


Game of Wands

by Where_the_Stars_End



Category: Game of Thrones (TV), Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Game of Thrones Fusion, Alternate Universe - Harry Potter Setting, F/M, Fantasy, GoT au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-06
Updated: 2019-08-28
Packaged: 2020-04-11 14:44:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 25,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19111825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Where_the_Stars_End/pseuds/Where_the_Stars_End
Summary: James Potter was always taught to keep Mudbloods on their side of the Wall. They weren't bad per say, just different. Lily Evans was always taught that everyone deserves the right to magic, no matter what side of the wall you are born on. James meets Lily and his whole world is about to change. Game of Thrones Ygritte and Jon AU





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys! Welcome to my story. Please don't be afraid to post comments or leave kudos. I Just started watching GoT and fell in love with Ygritte. She deserved better. But I started thinking about James and Lily here and just fell in love with the idea of them as Jon and Ygritte. Enjoy!

James Potter was always taught to keep muggleborns on their side of the magical wall that stretched across Britain. The muggleborns weren’t bad per day, they just were different from true pure blood wizards. They seemed wild and didn’t follow society’s rules. Women could fight and were even put on the front lines. They didn’t have arranged marriages, they just “fell in love” and married who they wanted. They just weren’t as civilized as the purebloods. Draw the line end of story. They could exist and continue to love and be, just not where the purebloods were. 

Each stayed on their side of the wall.   
This was just the way it was. Growing up living right near the wall this was the rules James lived by. He watched his father kill DA members who abandoned their posts. We watched his uncle join at 18 and fight to protect the people. So, when time came,and he became of age, he signed up for Dumbledore’s Army. The DA. A proud group on the inside. Phoenix's they were called by those on the outside. 

Lily Evans was always taught that everyone had a right to magic, no matter what side of the wall you were forced to be on. Magic wasn’t just something you one day decided to do. It was something you were born into. They have been selected. They were free wizards. They could go and do as they wished whenever they wished. Women were allowed to learn to duel. You could date and have sex and just live. As long as you lived on your “proper side” of the stupid Phoenix's wall. 

Lily watched her father and mother die fighting for her right to cross the wall. She never had the choice to “join” the muggleborns. Everyone learned to fight for the right to learn and be. But that didn’t mean she wouldn’t be the damn best dueler they had. And she would die before she would roll over to the Phoenix's. The DA wasn’t bad per say, they just didn’t understand her or her people. When she learned of her magic she did everything she could to prove to those Phoenix’s she deserved to have magic. Muggleborns they called themselves. Born into muggles, but that’s where it ended. But not to everyone. Mudblood is what they were called by those on the inside. 

Both grew up fighting to protect who they loved. Fighting for those who can’t. Fighting the people that threaten their right to exist. Because you can never be the villain in your own eyes. 

The mission was supposed to be simple. Nothing was supposed to go wrong, and least off all, no one should fall in love. But life rarely listens to shouldn’ts or suppose too’s. James and a hand full of other DA members were going to cross the wall and scout the mudbloods numbers. Dumbledore himself was leading the mission, a rare case but members were so low these days it couldn’t be helped.

For thousands of years the two had battled. Fighting to keep The Wall and the sides they each belonged on. But Dumbledore's army was shrinking, Hell wizards and witches were shrinking. The population just seemed to get smaller and smaller and less babes survived. But those damn mudbloods kept attacking and killing his people. Over and over again, till they weren’t. The mudbloods attacks were growing less and less and it was worrying the DA. Quiet mudbloods could not mean anything good. This would be the first mission James would be able to cross the wall. It was considered very dangerous. They had lost a lot of good men to these mudbloods. 

James, Dumbledore and about 4 other men were walking up and down the streets. All was quiet. They hadn’t seen anyone for days. Food was running low and they would have to head back to Castle Black, the home of the Ancient and Noble Black family and founders of Dumbledore's Army. But James didn’t want the mission to end. He was born to kill muggleborns and keep the peace. That’s when they found them. A small group of about six bundled around a small fire. Typical mudbloods, using spells like they had any right to them. James could feel his heartbeat start to pick up and his wand started to twitch and shoot sparks in his hand. A fight was finally brewing and James would get to be apart of it. He made eye contact with Dumbledore before jumping out and throwing spells. 

James didn’t even know what spells he used, all he knows is he’s knocking mudbloods down like nothing. James feels a rush and he knows this is where he needs to be. Where he was born to be. He catches a figure running away and quickly chases after them. He fires shot after shot till his spell lands. The leg locked creature tumbles face first into the snow. James quickly runs over and fips them over, ready to fire the killing spell when he locked eyes with the most beautiful women he had ever seen. She was breathing heavy, red hair tumbling around her face that was filled with… malice. At him. James gulped.

“A girl.” He hears himself mumble. He can’t believe he fought a girl, his mother would kill him. Her eyes narrowed as if she could hear his thoughts. 

“A mudblood.” Dumbledore shoots back. It’s then James notices the battle has stopped and this red haired girl is the only one left. He breathes out hard and looks up at his captain. He can’t kill her, he just can’t. 

“We can question her.” Even James knows this is a mute point. The army has no interest in what they do, only in keeping them on their side of the wall. 

“You could.” Dumbledore slowly answers. He can see James hesitation but it means little to the seasoned fighter. An enemy was an enemy. “She will never say anything we can use.” He calmly states. He has to get James to see reason. “I’ve known a mudblood to bite of his tongue instead of doing anything useful.” he bites back. But James has stopped listening. He can only keep starting at those green eyes glaring back at him. He feels his hand tighten around his wand. 

“What’s your name?” He asks her. He just has to know who she is, and if she answers this it may prove she’ll answer more. 

“Lily.” She says. No harshness to her words. She almost seems as confused and intrigued about him as he is to her. 

“She was reaching for this wand when you caught her!” James eyes quickly dart to the side and he sees her fingers slowly inch back from the wand. Dumbledore picked it up and tosses the thing around a few times. James can feel Lily tense in his hold, so it must be her wand. “Give her half a chance and she slice you to bits.” The wand is passed to James and he can see her longing for what is obviously a piece of her. James looks down to search her eyes to see if it’s true. It is. 

“I gave you my name.” She whispers. Like James and her are the only ones in the alley, and like she wasn’t trying to kill him mere seconds ago. James takes a few steps back and before he can stop himself he hears himself tell her his name. 

“I’m James Potter.” Never has his name felt so meaningless then in did approaching her ears. She looks up at him, chest still rising and falling with each breath. Her eyes quickly jump to all the army members. James can see her neck start to strain trying to keep her eyes level with his. And that is the first time, but not the last he realizes how much it means to her to be an equal. Her eyes slowly move over to the bodies of her fallen group. She quickly licks her lips and speaks, eyes never leaving the bodies. 

“You ought to burn them.” She says. He hears the mudblood accent thick on her lips, along with something else. Fear. 

“We’d need a Fiendfyre for that,” Dumbledore scoffs. Everyone knows the bodies will stay there to rot. “Tell me, Lily, why do you want a big dark magic fire? Mhm?” James can see Lily’s mind at work. Her neck is slowly starting to give out as her head dips lower. James prays she answers, not only for her sake but his. Dumbledore pushes harder. “There some more friends in the area?” Stepping closer to her, James has to stop himself from trying to get in between them, as if he was going to protect Lily. 

“Burn them,” Lily only states. Her eyes remain on the bodies and a hard edge takes to her melodic voice. “Or maybe you’ll be needing those wands again.” She finally looks up and locks eyes with James, trying to convey the true meaning in her words. Inferi. 

“James here has already killed an inferi. He can do it again if he has too.” Both Lily and James notice his use of He and not Us. “What waits beyond the alley?” It seems Dumbledore understands James need to know her. Or that she is talking and knowing anything better then not. 

“The Muggleborns.” Lily answers. Her sarcastic snap shocks James. He has never known a girl to speak like this. 

“How many?” James started to feel uneasy. This was the mission after all, but the sooner she answered, the sooner she’d meet the business end of his wand. 

Her little peel of laughter shocks James. There is nothing funny about this. “Hundreds and thousands,” she replies finally meeting Dumbledore in the eye. James eyes dart to his commander. If she speaks the truth, the mudbloods out number them 10 to 1. “More than you’ve ever seen, Phoenix.” She spits the last word at them so hard James is surprised steam didn’t start coming out her ears. 

“What’s in the Woods your king could ever want?” Everyone knew the mudbloods followed Andromeda Tonks, a purebloods like them until she had fallen in love with a mudblood. Lily eyes slowly rise up to meet James’ and all he can hear is her breathing. His wand arm is starting to tire and he slowly starts to lower his wand till he hears Dumbledore speak again. “Do you mean to match on our wall?” He practically screams at her. He doesn’t wait for her to respond, he just walks over and settles his hand on Lily’s face. She tries to scoot back as far as the leg binding cruse will allow. “Do you know who I am girl?” The question starlets James but Lily is quick to answer. 

“Albus Dumbledore.” Her words are spoken quickly, as if she’s had to memorize the name over and over again. James realizes she probably had. 

“Tell me the truth. If your people captured me, would they take me prisoner?” James can hear the old man's age and tiredness slip into his words. Dumbledore's watch has been long and hard, and it’s not over yet. 

Lily is quick to respond. “They’d utter the killing curse if they was feeling kind,” She whispers again. Almost like it’s a dirty little secret she’s sharing, like she wants to be punished. “If not, they’d kill you slow.” James sees Lily’s jaw jut out as Dumbledore slow nobs, as if she didn’t just utter how much she wanted him dead. 

“We simply have no food for her. Can’t spare a man to watch her,” James looks down at his wand, realizing what Dumbledore is about to make him do. “Can’t let her go. She’ll bring Andromeda Tonks army down on us. It needs to be done.” Lily’s eyes slowly slide over to James as he watches a wand be pulled out. This girls life is about to end before him, and it’s then he realizes what joining the army truly means. “Want me do it?” Dumbledore asks as he’s already forming the curse on his tongue. 

“No,” he hears himself say. He’s looking at his wand and saw what had to be done. “No, I’ll do it.” He says, his brown eyes locked with hers. Unable to look away, unable to do anything really. 

“Come, men. We’ll leave him to it.” With a sweep of robes the great Albus Dumbledore moved out the alley. But James doesn’t notice. He stops noticing a lot of things after meeting Lily. “We will meet you at the top?” He doesn’t not wait for James’ answer and is already out the door. Now it’s just James and Lily, Lily and James. 

James paces back and forth in front of her. The weight of taking her life lays heavy on him but Lily can see that. Lily would see a lot of things about James no one else would. 

“You ain't never killed a woman before did ya? Well you don’t need to do it.” Her voice never hits pleading. Just like she’s talking to a child, trying to explain to him the right answer on charms homework. “Andromeda would take you, I know she would. Ohhhh there’s secret ways!” Her voice starts to pick up and get excited. James thought this was just to get him to not kill her, but he thinks it’s more than that. “The Phoenix's would never catch you-“ her words are cut off by James’ wand digging into her throat. She almost had him, but he would never betray his vows. 

“I’m as much a Phoenix as they are.” It’s in those words James finds the courage for what he has to do, and Lily finds it too. He releases her from the leg locking charm silently and just stares at her, seeing what she’ll do. She only slow roles over so her back is too him, the easiest way to do the killing curse. She does not move slowly. Only calmly and with numb fate. 

“Will you burn me?” The words shock James, of everything she could have asked about him or his people but she could only asks for the one thing he can’t give her. “After. “ she huffs out, even as brave as she pretends to be, she can’t say what comes after. 

“Can’t.” He mumbles, raising his wand. “Someone might see the smoke.” She only pulls up her hair, letting him have a clean shot at her. 

“Strike hard and true, James Potter.” She sucks in a breath as if his name drew all the strength she had. “Or I’ll come back and haunt you.” James pauses and moves his wand to push her stay hairs off her neck. “It’s cold.” James breathes deep and tries not to think about what this curse will do. Lily huffs and shifts her weight. “Go on. Be quick about it.” She waits for the words, but they never come. She turns and looks over her shoulders, obvious irritation in her eyes. James realizes it must make a lot to make her cry. “Do. It. Bastard!” She screams. Her voice is filled with air as if she’s trying to get air that will be stolen from her. “Do it!!” James’ hand shakes and he fires a single spell. 

Lily looks up at the burn mark on the wall and whips around to look at James. She sucks in more air as she realizes from now until her death she’s breathing his borrowed air. James looks at her and see the same thing, and a little bit more. He leans in to see what is hiding in her eyes when she quickly tackles him and runs out the back door. James pauses for a minute, a lady back home would never, but he’s not back home and she is in no way shape or form a lady, so he takes off after her. 

He chases off after her, weaving in and out of alleys and doorways. She is quick to throw up a hood, to hide her fire locks from him. As if that was the only way he’d be able to pick her out from a crowd. She is quick and fast and knows the area better. But she doesn’t know how to disapparate that much is clear. James swirls to right before the alley hits the street and tackles her into the mud and water. He’s on top of her, wand at her throat. He feels her chest heaving all over again, but without seeing those eyes, he’s able to focus on the task at hand. Until she speaks. 

“You can’t do it. We both know it.” Her words anger him, she has no right to speak to a pureblood in this way. He grabs her shirt and rolls her over just to show her how strong he can be against her. But she doesn’t seem afraid. Her eyes are full of merith as she says, “The sun's going down James Potter. And your friends ain't no where close by.” 

“I’ll find them,” he says. Not wanting to hear how true her words were. But she knows his not listening. 

“Call for them. Go on, call loudly.” She taunts. He looks back down at her and digs his wand farther into her neck. He heaved her up and waved his wand, ropes pouring out to coil around her. He waits till they secure her and heads off. Anywhere just away from here and her eyes and her dainty little breaths. 

They walk for hours in silence. Lily never once says anything, letting him lose them deeper and deeper into her world. After three hours Lily finally decided to speak. 

“Your brothers desert ya? I can tell you which way to go…” her suggestive voice echoes off the woods they’ve now found themselves in. 

“We’ll stop here.” He looks around and sees nothing but trees. At least they will be semi protected from wind and rain. “Too dark to go any further today.” 

“Here! There’s no shelter here,” she mutters with disgust looking at the animal trampled ground. 

“There’s no selter anywhere.” He starts to say, he looks around a bit not focusing on his work until most of her is free from ropes. Allowing her to relax a bit more for the night. 

“There is,” her sing song voice chimes in again. “If you know where to look.” She adds bitterly. She stands there and James moves around her, releasing her ties. “The cold could kill us both,” she finally snapped. “If we light a fire-“ 

“No. No fire. No heating charms either. They could track us.” 

“But a fire-“ she starts to snap. 

“No, fire.” He pulls right on the ropes around her waist. Looking up at her to remind her, she is in fact the criminal. He can see her tongue rub against her teeth in irritation. 

Knowing when she’s lost her battles Lily finals says, “Have it your way.” He grabs her and roughly lays her down on the ground. She watches him walk away for a moment before desperately saying, “We’ll stay warmer if we stay close.” Her voice starts to falter into an innocent one, as if she doesn’t know what a man lying next to a women means. It makes James stop. She didn’t out right ask him to have sex with her, but it was the most forward thing a young woman had ever said to him. He could feel his cheeks start to redden. “Bet you freeze to death before I do. Better your life.” She rolls over to face away from him, knowing that she’s right and he’ll have to give in James huffs and runs his finger through his hair. It is not something he did before meeting Lily, but it would become something he would do for the rest of his life. Angrily James turned around and laid behind Lily. He grabs her arm and pulls her to him, as close as allowed while still being respectful, he is a lord after all. James just starts to settle when he hears her begin to speak. 

“Think they're out there looking for ya?” They both could hear her true meaning. Does anyone actually care what happens to you? 

“Yes,” he manages to breathe out. He knows they’ll look. What he doesn’t know is if they’ll look because they like him, or because they can’t lose the man power. 

“Think they’ll find ya?” All seriousness is gone. She knows he’s utterly lost and his brothers will fair no better. 

“Yes,” he responded again. But even he doesn’t believe it. James thinks Lily’s asleep till she wishfully says 

“You’re brave.” James stops and reflects on her words. If he didn’t know better he would think she likes him. “Stupid,” She begins again teasingly. Ahh, there it is. “But brave.” Lily repeats again, with the same wishful tone. James has never been called brave before. He hated that it was done by a mudblood women. 

“We start again at first light. Get some sleep.” He commands. James doesn’t know how to deal with feelings. Or emotions. It’s not talked about behind The Wall. He closes his eyes and tries to follow his own advice. Only Lily has her own ideas. She’ll teach this baby Phoenix what it means to lay with a muggle born girl. She slow begins to move her hips, rubbing up and down along James groin. He stiffens and pulls away. 

“Stop moving.” He commands, his voice already starting to get tight. 

“Just trying to get comfortable.” She sweetly says, as if they both don’t know what she’s doing. Before she even finished her sentence she’s already rubbing on him again. 

“Stop it.” James barks, the tone of pleading already starting to slip into his voice. The both lay still breathing and trying to imagine what the other will do next. Just when James thinks he’s safe he feels her rotate her hips a few more times. Though he can’t see her face, he just knows she smirking at him. “You're still moving.” He manages to weeze out. This girl will be the death of him. 

“Was I?” She asks, not unlike how his sister Arya would ask was it was wrong for her to shoot a bow and arrow. “I didn’t notice that time.” James doesn’t say anything. He just waits to see what else she’ll make him do. And there will be many things, just not this night.


	2. Chapter Two

Lily was running. In the back of her mind she knew it was useless, she would be caught. Her eyes shot down to the small babe in her arms and she felt a sob escape her throat. She heard the dull thump of a body and let out another sob. Her husband was dead. That was the only meaning as to how she could feel so empty so quickly. Lily stopped running then. Her whole life she had never ran, she fought. And she would die fighting. 

“Oh Little One, I’m so so sorry. But mama loves you and dada-“ Lily fought to hold back her tears, that would not be how her son would remember her. She would not not let him. He would remember her as a strong muggleborn women. A free muggleborn women. ”Dada loved you, he loved you with his whole heart.” With each word she was peppering kisses to her babes head. Just then she felt a wand press up against her back, this was it. She gave her son one last kiss before she set him down silently removing his arms from around her neck. She could feel him pull a few of her hairs. Just enough to remember for both of them and turned to meet her fate.

Lily awoke with a start. Her eyes flashed open and she half expected to see the man chasing her. She felt like she could still feel her baby’s arms around her neck, and the wand in her back. Determined to brush it off, she looked down expecting to see no arms around her, only to remember she had been captured by that rat bastard James Potter. His hand was on her breast and his leg was thrown over her hips, pinning her to him. She heard him rustle about a bit and knew he was awake. 

“Did you pull a wand on me in the night?” She asked, not believing he could do such a thing. Sure he was a Phoenix, but he seemed like a Phoenix with more honor than one that would pull a wand on a tied up prisoner in the middle of the night. Quick as a flash the hand was pulled back and the leg removed. She could practically hear the embarrassment rolling off of him in waves. Ahhh, so it was a different kind of wand then. 

She wiggled herself up to turn and look at James. He was breathing heavy and refused to look anywhere near her. They made eye contact for the briefest of moments before James rolled away from her and walked away. He got as far as the linking charm would allow before he was slightly pulled back to Lily. She laughed a little at him before she could stop herself. He really was a baby Phoenix in every sense of the word. “What’s the matter? Can’t be the first time you pressed your bone against a woman's ass.” This boy has to be at least 19 and he was acting like he didn’t even know he had a penis! 

James quickly turned around to look at her, he paused for a second before pulling his black uniform around to hide his boner. He looked right above Lily’s head and in his best commanding voice said, “Let’s move.” He took two giant steps toward her before hauling her roughly up and adjusting her ropes for the day. 

Lily knew that by the end of their time together, one of them would be dead, so why not have a little fun with him while the moment lasted? Lily would turn out to be right, only their time together would both be a lot longer and a lot shorter than she ever imagined. “Oh, it is the first time.” There were no mockery in her words. Just pure fascination with the fact that he was a virgin. Maybe he was younger then he appeared, and in that case, Lily would feel horrible about the way she had treated him. Children don’t belong in wars, but really, no one does. “How old are you, boy?”

“I’m a man,” she laughed at his response. Lily could tell he had lowered his voice just a bit to make him seem older. “Of Dumbledore's Army.” He finished his thought like that made him older than just a man. More special, better than everyone almost. 

“You’re a boy,” she said. Just a boy in a war, and Lily was just a girl fighting for her rights. “A boy who’s never been with a girl.” James stopped moving then. Both seeing how young and expendable the other was. Just pawns to the men who ran the war. He would die soon, they all would. And he would die never having lived at all. “Don’t your stones start to hurt if your bone never gets-“ James spurn her around. Their eyes meeting truly since he spared her life. She took an extra deep breath then, like her body was aware he gave her the right to keep breathing. Like he could take it away with a simple flick, and he could. He would. 

“Don’t call them that.” James searched her eyes for what game she was trying to play. What did it matter if he had never laid with a women? That was something only married men did. Married men or wizards who played around because the playing would stop when the came back from whatever they were doing. If they ever came back at all.

“What, stones?” She shot back. At least she hadn’t called them by their real names. Then he might have left her in the woods to die, all because she said the word penis. “Or bone.” Her tongue dipped out to lick her bottom lip. Challenging him. 

“Neither. Both.” James said to dismiss her. His cheeks started to flush red at the thought. Well, Lily was going to die anyways, it didn’t matter where. So she stepped up close to him. Her head barely hitting the bottom of his chin. She tilted her head up and smiled sweetly at him. 

“PENIS!” She finally yelled in his face. “PENIS PENIS PENIS! THE BABY PHOENIX HAS A PENIS! PEN-“ James cut Lily off by quickly yanking on her rope, cause her to briefly lose her balance. 

“Move.” Is all he said in response. So maybe it wasn’t the fact that he had a penis that made him uncomfortable. It was the fact that Lily knew James had a penis. Did women in the Wizarding world not know men had them? Did they get to their wedding nights only to be be told surprise! I have this and I’m going to stick it inside you. No need to worry or know what it is! I’m a man, I can never do anything wrong! Or were they told, just taught to ignore them, to hid them away shamefully. That bodies, bodies the Gods created were somehow wrong, or dirty. How could could something created by Gods be dirty? How could the parts responsible for making children be dirty? 

They had been walking for about five minutes before Lily had to start talking again. She lived in a community so close knit she never had to live in silence before. And she wasn’t going to let James Potter force her into it now. 

“I heard they get all swollen and bruised if you don’t use them.” She twirled her way around him, so she was now in front of him walking backwards. Daring him with each new word that came out of her mouth. “Of course, maybe that’s just what the lads say when they want me feeling sorry for them.” She stopped walking and pressed herself up into James chest. She cocked her head to the side and whispered, “As if I’d feel sorry for them.” He went to push her off him but stopped. He didn’t know where to put his hands on her without blushing. She slowly pulled herself off and started walking away from him. 

Lily left her hips to do the next bit of talking before she finally looked over her shoulder at him. “Are there no girl Phoenix's?” She let the silence sit for a minute. She actually wanted a answer this time. Just when she thought he was going to stay silent the whole day he responded. 

“There are no women of Dumbledore’s Army, no.” James only would look down at his feet. Keeping to himself. But Lily wanted him to look at her. He challenged her and Lily liked it. If the stupid Wall didn’t exist, Lily might have just dated this man. Might have let him chase her for a while before settling down. But Lily couldn’t think of that now. That was a different world. Another Universe. One she would end up dying in anyways. 

“So the lads just do it with each other then?” She didn’t look at him for this. Just quietly walked alongside him. 

“No.” He tiredly answered. Lily was surprised he was even saying anything at all. 

“Never?” How could all those boys at that age never talk or have anything to do with sex. Muggleborn boys learned of sex at a young age. Why Lily herself had sex for the first time at 14. 

“Never.” Is all James Potter said in response. “We swore an oath.” Lily scuffed, as if words held any real meaning to anyone. But to James, words must have meant a lot, which meant he was really going to hate what she had to say next. 

“You have sheep at the wall?” His head snapped towards hers and James’ face screwed up in disgust and confusion. He quickly shook his head no. Lily’s face then matched his and she slowly said, “With your hands then? No wonder you’re all so miserable.” James quickly grabbed her and spun her around. Making her look him in the eye. 

“Would you please shut up!” Lily blinked with surprise, he finally answered her. James was about to apologize for yelling at a lady and telling her to shut up when he watched her nose scrunch up and she mockingly called back to him. 

“Would you please shut up.” Her eyes lost all warmth and quickly turned cold. “You think you’re better than me, Phoenix. I’m a free women!” She stepped up to challenge him throwing her words with as much force as she could into his face. “A free muggleborn-“ James stepped up toward her, towering over her and cutting off her words. It was the first time Lily would feel fear from him. But the next time she felt fear around James Potter it would not be from him, it would be for him. 

“You’re a free women?” James shot back. He tugged on her ropes as if to prove how silly she sounded. 

“I might be your prisoner, but I am a free women. A free muggleborn women.” James ran his hand through his hair before angrily responding back. 

“If you’re my prisoner, you’re not a free women. That’s what prisoner means! You’re just a mudblood prisoner. Nothing free about that.” Lily’s eyes hardened at his words and her voice took on a soft and disappointed tone. 

“And you think you’re free?” She held his eyes for a long time before continuing. “You swore some stupid oath, and now you can never touch a girl. You are the prisoner.” 

“It was my choice to say the words. My choice. Prisoners don’t get choices.” He started to walk away from her, thinking he had clearly won. But Lily didn’t let people just walk away. 

“So you don’t like girls? Is that why it was such an easy choice?” James spun back around and looked at her. 

“Of course I like girls.” When he finished his eyes quickly moved away from hers, but Lily wouldn’t let him off that easily. 

“But you chose never to touch them.” James wasn’t sure why she was pressing so hard on this, but he had never lost a fight either and he wasn’t going to let some girl be the first to make him eat his own words. 

“That’s the price you pay to be a man of Dumbledore’s Army.” His hair was an absolute mess now, his hand combing through it like it had a mind of its own. 

“So, instead of getting naked with a girl, any girl mind you, you’d prefer to invade our lands-“ 

James stomped back over to Lily, shoving his face into hers, but she only blinked fast and held her ground. “Invade your lands? Mudbloods raid our lands all the time. Some of them tried to kill my brother, a little crippled boy! Your so called muggleborns take everything!” He sounded like a child. A child complaining that he got a blue lolly instead of a red. 

Lily let her chin jut forward almost hitting James’ face as she pulled her hand higher. “They’re not your lands! We’ve been here the whole time. As much as you try to pretend muggleborns don’t exist, we do. We always have. You lot came along and just put up a big wall and said it was yours. That we weren’t welcome in our own homes! Too dirty.” 

James took a step back and wiped his hands down his face, clearly tired of everything. “My father was Fleamont Potter. I have the blood of the First Wizards. My ancestors lived here same as yours.” He let the air hang heavy with his words. 

“So why are you fighting us then?” Lily’s hand reached out to stroke his check. Her thumbs rubbing back and forth a few times before stepping back and walking away. James having no choice but to follow. 

As they kept walking, James kept stealing glances at her. Never saying a word, never holding her gaze for too long. Just always checking her. Lily couldn’t take it anymore. 

“You think we’re savages because we don’t live in big fancy manors. We can’t make wands as good as yours it’s true, but… we’re free.” James pushed his way infront her her and began walking faster. “If someone tried to tell us we couldn’t have sex as two consenting adults, well, we would shove a wand up his ass. We don’t go serving some shit minister who’s only minister because his father was.” 

“No. No,” James’ hands tighten on her ropes a little harder. “You serve Andromeda Tonks, the Minister Beyond the Wall.” 

“We chose Andromeda Tonks to lead us.” Lily was running to match steps with the long legged boy. She pulled her hands back toward her getting him to turn around roughly. “She is a pureblood same as you. Only she saw how unfair it was. She wanted to be free. To marry the man she loved regardless of how they grew up.” 

Her eyes soften and she stopped. James slowly turned around to look at her. The wind was blowing her red hair across her face, and James has to admit she seemed at home with it. Like she belonged in the woods, running naked as the day she was born. Red fairy flying behind her and her laughter filling the air. “You could be free, too. You don’t need to live your whole life taking commands from old men.” She stepped closer to him again, her body close to his yet again. “Wake up when you want to wake up. I could show you the streams to fish, where to hunt. You’d don’t need magic to live James Potter. Build yourself a cabin and find a woman to lie with in the night. To love.” Her tied hands came up to cradle his face. “You’re a pretty lad. The girls would claw each other’s eyes out to get naked with you.” She pulled his face down so their foreheads were touching. 

James swallowed hard before pulling back. “Walk.” He choked out. He wanted to believe her words. Godric James wanted that life so bad, but just as he couldn’t have it, he couldn’t make her stop talking about it. Making no move to force her to stop. The two just stood there looking. Seeing people in the other for the first time. 

“I could teach you how to do it.” Lily whispered, finally breaking the silence. “Sex.” A small smile took over her face. 

James felt his face redden quickly but answered anyways. “I know how to do it.” His eyes looked anywhere but at hers. 

“Then say it.” Lily stepped closer again. She could feel his breath on her neck. “Just say the word. Say sex.” To his merit, James did not look away. He simply held her gaze. Lily shook her head, stepping back from him she finally said, “You know nothing James Potter.” She walked around him for what seems like the hundredth time that day. 

“How long till we get back to your Phoenix's?” She asked once they’ve settled back in to walking again. 

“We’re close.” He answered, even though they both know it’s a lie. It’s the one of the few lies Lily would ever let James tell her. 

“What, a day? A half day walk?” She slowed down her walk. Turning to look back at him. Lily continued to slow until he answered. “You don’t know, do you?” At this point she completely stopped and sat down on a rock. “Do you even know where they are?” James passed her without a second glance and pulled her up again. 

“We’re close. He repeats again. Obvious irritation in his voice. Lily slowed down a bit to match pace with him. 

“What do you think they’ll say when they hear about you and me?” The question seems innocent in nature, which is what makes James question her. Lily is anything but innocent. 

“Nothing happened between you and me.” Even James can hear the questioning tone in his voice. 

Lily turned around again, eyes aflame with playfulness and mirth. A look James would grow to both fear and love. “I swear it old master King Phoenix sir. We were only close together for warmth!” Lily started to walk faster. Her words matching each step. Her intention as sure as her footing. “And then I felt it, right up against my backside like a club. I can even show you the bruise on my tailbone.” She holds eye contact with James as she points to her ass. “And before I knew what was where, his- his- well, it was all out in the open, all angry as you like.” She couldn’t contain her smile anymore as it was slowly creeping across her face. “And I didn’t want to want it, but oh, I did! And he spread me legs, and ruined.” She tried to fake swoon into his arms, but James just kept walking. She caught herself and ran to catch up with him. “The shame of it. Now I can never marry a perfumed high wizard. What will my poor savage father say?” 

James had to stop himself from letting his eyes roll back into his head. She likes games. And she thought she could win this one, and she was wrong. Oh lord were they both wrong. “Turn back around.” He held her gaze as she jumped off on another tangent. 

“And I thought that we were done, but then he said,” She dropped her shoulders and stood on her toes. James could tell she was trying to look like him and he had to admit, she was doing a good job, until she opened her mouth. “Turn back around.” Lily stopped walking then, clearly done with this part of the game. “I’ll tell you what, James Potter. Since it’s going to be your word against mine, and since you can’t talk about it without blushing, we may as well just do it.” Her voice became smooth, moving like syrup over pancakes. James simply shook his head. 

“What, right here in the muck? On the forest floor? Your people may be animals but I’m not.” James thought the harsh words would end her train of thought, but Lily just pushed forward. She grabbed at the rope around her wrists and pulled herself closer to James. 

“I’ll keep you warm enough.” James desperately yanked on her rope, hoping to remind her that she was HIS prisoner after all. “Are you that afraid of it? Of sex?” Lily tilted her head to the side, studying him. It was one of her few questions she actually wanted an answer to. 

“That’s enough.” James was getting better at this. At not looking away. And not letting her see how much he wanted to do exactly what she was saying. 

“Oh it’s nice.” Lily began to pull up her shirt. Every inch she pulled up, a step she would move forward. “It’s all wet and warm.” Her other hand began to drift lower and lower and James struggled not to follow its path. 

“Enough!” Lily could always tell when she pushed him a little too far. And this was that moment. Did she ever care or stop? No, but she knew when she’s pass the point of no return. She stepped up close to him, smelling the woods that clung to his days old clothing. 

“It don’t have teeth.” Lily stood toe to toe with James. Brown eyes locked with green. James eyes started to wonder down her body and just when it seemed he’d actually look at the area of her body that held her vagina, he set his hand over his wand. “All right!” Her hands shoot up and Lily took several steps back. “All right. Godric you’re dull.” She held his eyes for a few minutes before pulling hard on her ropes. James tumbled down with a crash. 

James laid on the forest floor for a second before his eyes started scanning the woods for her retreating form. He began running after her, chasing her around stones and over logs. She finally reached the top of a hill before disappearing completely from view. James drew his wands and ran up to the hill. And stopped. He saw her rope trailing off into a cave, but no Lily. He moved closer to the rope and pulled on it. Nothing. How had she gotten free? She couldn’t have done it by herself. And if she wasn’t alone… it was then James heard a quick soft whistle. His head shot up and he saw Lily alone. He stood up to get her when he saw mudbloods start to appear. Everywhere around the hill more and more men and women seemed to come alive from the trees. If James hadn’t known better, he never would have seen them at all. It made him wonder if he had ever been truly alone in the woods. 

James turned back around and stared at Lily. She had the biggest shit eating grin on her face. “Should have took me up on my offer while you had the chance.” She called down to him. 

James eyes starting scanning the trees again. Oh lord what had he gotten himself into? Or more accurately, what had Lily gotten James into?


	3. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! I know I've been posting back to back but I decided to post the story from Fanfiction to here. I don't have a regular posting time. Just whenever I have time off. I am going out of town for awhile so I made this chapter extra long for you. Please enjoy and don't forget to comment or leave kudos, It would mean a lot.

James knew he was utterly and completely fucked. He was days away from his brothers, completely surrounded by the enemy. One of whom was a very attractive girl who wanted to take him to her bed. And who may or may not want to slice his throat. Fuck. 

James immediately lifted his arms in surrender. His eyes darted around, scanning the some 15 Mudbloods to see who was in charge. Wherever he was, he wasn’t going to make his appearance known, because Lily herself walked forward. 

“I want to speak to the man in charge.” James said. Everyone around him laughed. Including Lily as she stepped right up to his face. She yanked his wand from his hands. Her fingers brushing against his a bit longer then needed

“You’re looking at her.” Lily had the same shitting eating grin she’d been giving him for days. The one James wanted to kiss away from her smug little face.

“No, women can’t be in charge.”Lily was kneeling in front of him then, her head right at the crotch of his pants. She gave James a sly smile before running her hands up and down his legs. James took a few surprised steps back. She smiled wickedly at him before yanking the wand he stole from her from is place inside his boot. She tapped his nose twice with it before shoving it deep in her hair, lost in the curls. “I want to speak to the man in charge.” James repeated again. 

His eyes moved over to a young man. He was slightly a step ahead of everyone else. He was about a head taller than James but quite a bit heavier. His wand seemed to fit comfortably in his hands, unlikely half of the wizards here. Clearly he had to be in charge. “You there! Are you the man in charge?” The man simply stepped forward and called down to him. 

“Normally, but Lily caught you, Lily says what we do with you. At Least until we get to someone with more authority than a 19 year old.” James’ eyes grew wide as his head snapped back to Lily’s. She had just finished tying his own bloody rope around him. She stood up and pulled on his ropes. 

“Walk.” Lily looked up at James through her lashes before pushing him forward. Many a times Lily had walked in front of James in their time together, he just never imagined he’d be the one tied up in the ropes. 

He ended up being in the middle of their little pack. Walking to Godric knows where, and the women he had held prisoner was in charge of his fate. Wonderful. 

They walked on for a little over an hour. The wild wizards talking amongst themselves but never to James. Eventually they reached a bigger camp filled with about 20 more people. James was really starting to panic then. 

“I got you a present, Lord of Bones.” Lily called out. A man who looked to be covered in animal bones came strolling forward, not a care in the world. 

“I already got one Phoenix. Don’t need two.” James starting scanning the crowds to see which one of his brothers and also fallen into the hands of these people. But, if they already had a brother, the wouldn’t need anything from him. 

“Tonks will want to question this one. Knows all about where the Phoenix’s are and what they’re planning.” James then saw Dumbledore, bloody and tied up on the ground. James’ heart dropped down into his throat. 

“Evans, Dumbledore knows more. This one is just a little boy.” This man's eyes scanned up James once before yelling at Lily’s men. “Gut him.” Before James had even processed the words gut him Lily had stepped forward. 

“He could have killed me half a dozen times. I’m still breathing because of this little man.” 

“And now he wishes he did. Gods know I do. You’re a pain in my ass. Gut him.” James heard Lily exhale quickly through her nose. Her temper was starting to rise and this time James would not be at the other end of it. This was something he needed to see. 

James slowly looked over at Lily. Why would she defend him? “He’s a wizard of Hogwarts. Fleamont Potter's son.” That made the Lord of Bones stop. He rattled as he turned to face the two of them. “Tonks will want him.” Lily finished. James couldn’t understand his women. She teased him and told him she wanted him dead. And now she was going on and on about how valuable he was too them. How could she change her mind so quickly? Well she had never actually said that she wanted him dead. She mostly talked about wanting to sleep with him. But that’s what Mudbloods did. They killed. They tried to kill his little brother. They were murderers. And that’s what she was, what she would always be. 

Both James and Lily’s eyes turned toward the Lord. “What does Tonks want with a dead man's son?” 

“Don’t know. I think Tonks will want to decide that.” The Lord of Bones stepped up close to James, still tied to Lily. 

“He runs, I’ll chop his balls off.”

“He runs, I’ll do it myself.” The two had a standoff for a moment before the Lord turned away. James saw why she wouldn’t let go of a single argument, because she was damn good at them and won them often. Her people had to respect her, and James was starting to too. Lily slowly turned around to look at him. Her face holding no emotion. No fire, nor mirth. Nothing he’d come to expect from her emerald eyes. 

“We’re even now, James Potter.” She nodded to two young men before turning around and walking off. James didn’t realize that the Mudbloods honored blood packs. He certainly wasn’t aiming to make one when he spared her life, but in doing so he had saved his own. The men marched him over and forced him to kneel besides his commander. Both breathed heavily before James spoke. 

“I couldn’t do it. I had the wand at her neck, I just couldn’t.” 

“I know.” Dumbledore shot back

“The others?” 

“When you didn’t come back, we went looking for you. We found your tracks fast enough. But they found us before we found you.” James swallowed hard before responding. 

“They died because of me.” Dumbledore turned to look at James. 

“See that it wasn’t for nothing.” Two men came over and removed Dumbledore from James. Leaving James alone knowing he had been the cause of his brothers death. All because he couldn’t kill a women. What could this single women matter in the grand scheme of things anyways? James would come to find out that to everyone else, she would be a passing flame. But to him, she would guide his light for the rest of his days. 

They wild wizards all began marching again, surely on the way to Tonks. Between his and Dumbledore's knowledge they’d pick Dumbledore every time. James was marching to his sure death and at this point, he thought he deserved it. 

The two Phoenixes were marching together when Dumbledore leaned over to speak with James. 

“Tonks is going to March on the Wall. When he does, one brother inside the army will be worth 1,000 fighting against it.” 

James quickly shook his head. “They’ll never trust me. The girl kept trying to get me to break my vows. She knows how much it means to me.” 

“They might still trust you, if you do what needs to be done.” 

“What?” What could Dumbledore possible think he could do to gain their trust? He was a pureblood through and through and these mudbloods knew that, at least Lily did.

Dumbledore quickly spoke up, so the whole party could hear. James’ eyes grew wide with confusion. What was he doing? 

“How does it feel, knowing those men all died so you could skip through the snow with your little savage girl.” Everyone was turning around to watch them now. Lily in particular as she was holding the ropes, and in the fact they were talking about her. 

“I didn’t!” James tried to protest, still not knowing where Dumbledore was going with this. Lily seemed ready to defend James when Dumbledore started up again. 

“I should have known better, trusting a mudblood sympathizers son.” Dumbledore shoved James off the side of the hill they were on. James’ rope falling lose from Lily’s hands, he tumbled down the hill, just in time to see the Lord of Bones pull Dumbledore to him. 

“He is not yours to kill, Phoenix.” The party continued to move forward, leaving James behind. All expect Lily, who was staring down at James with what seemed like pity. She was twirling his wand in her hands staring back and forth between James and his mentor. The party still moving on. A light seemed to turn on in her head and she walked down to fetch James. 

“You don’t have to take it James Potter. My offer still stands.” She grabbed his rope and helped him up. Lily clearly wasn’t use to having two wands because his was quickly tucked into the waistband of her jeans. If James reaches forward he could take it. Lily wasn’t looking at him. The party was already a few feet in front of them, no one would notice. She was starting the climb back up the hill. James reached forward when he realized what Dumbledore wanted with him. And it started here, in this moment with Lily. What James didn’t know was that it would end with Lily too. 

“No, I don’t do I?” He found himself saying. Lily only turned around and raised a single eyebrow at him before they were back on the path, racing to catch up with the rest of the party. 

“We should be there by sundown.” Lily said. Her voice ringing out in the forest for the whole party to hear. “Won’t be a fun night for you. Tonks knows how to make Phoenixs’ sing.” She wacked him over the head with his own wand. James didn’t need to turn around to see the smile that would be taking over her face. 

“If you know what to say,” she continued. “You might just make it through the night.” She hit him with his wands again. “Not talkings not the way to go.” She bonked him a third time. This time small sparks shot out of the end of his wand. 

“Careful with that. You might hurt yourself.” His words were taunting. The both knew he had more wand experience. That he had actually had the chance to learn how to use a real wand, not the things the mudbloods had. She went to hit him again only for James to duck under her arm. 

“Never shot a spell before have you? You look like a baby with a rattle.” Lily jumped forward, eyes ablaze as she pressed his wand into his neck. 

“Enough of that!” The Lord of Bones yells, dropping the rope attached to Dumbledore but it’s too late. Dumbledore breaks free and steals his wand from the Lord. He cuts the rope binding him and James together before he shoots a slicing hex at James’ head. He fires shot after shot. Spells ranging from slicing hex’s to full bodied binding charms. James ducks and rolls from every spell, each one just barely missing its mark. James expects his captors to stop the fight, but they all just back away, forming a fighting circle around the two dueling wizards. 

Dumbledore shoots another slicing hex, this one hits James across his cheek before James tumbles to the ground. 

“Stop!” James frantically calls out. If Dumbledore is doing what James thinks, James will need a wand and he was relieved of his own. He couldn’t get the mudbloods to trust him if he didn’t have a wand. 

“Why, traitor?” Dumbledore screams. Two soldiers running forward to pull him back. It’s the most angry James has ever seen his leader. If James didn’t know any better, he would be frighten. “So you can give Andromeda Tonks an invitation to Castle Black!” James sees a flash of red out of the corner of his eyes. He looks over to see Lily running over to him. She gives him a brief nod before throwing his wand into the snow next to him. 

“Let em fight!” He heard the Lord of Bones call out. James watches Dumbledore break free and charge at him. James barley has the time to throw up a shield charm before Dumbledore's Confringo bounces off. James jumps up and fires off an Expelliarmus. Spells start flying faster and faster. James can’t tell what’s real and what’s pretend anymore. Dumbledore has never lost a duel in his life, his years of experience seeming to over power James. 

A Stupefy hits him in the chest. Shooting him back into the crowd of onlookers. They simply push him back in to the duel. 

“That’s it? That’s what you can do?” Dumbledore yells to James. The firing spells have stopped, the two wizards now circling each other. “You little shit.” James shock at hearing the old man swear almost caused him to be struck by another Stupefy. James jumps over the spell and flips to the right, stunning all onlookers. 

“Your sympathizer father teach you that?” Dumbledore started to fire spells silently now. The fight is becoming harder and harder and James feared he might lose. This causes a scream to erupt from James. He flies forward firing spell after spell until his wand is near his leaders throat. “Or was it your Dragon pox filled mother?” Dumbledore shoot James back with another slicing hex. This one landing him face down on the ground. James pulls himself up, a new strength found in himself with thoughts of his mother. He could not die on the other side of the wall. She would never get a body and that would crush her almost as bad as his death.

James fires spell after spell, slowly pushing Dumbledore further and further back. He fires an Expelliarmus and is shocked to find the wand pulled back into his hands. The both look at each other before Dumbledore give a small nod. James fells his lower lip tremble slightly before he utters the final curse. 

“Avada Kedavra.” He watches as the greatest man to ever live crumbles to the ground. He hears the gasp of shock from all the mudbloods. James runs over to his mentor, wand pointed down. James reached him and he heard the great Albus Dumbledore utter one more sentence before the curse took him completely. 

“We are the watchers on the Wall.” Dumbledore's body stills and everyone turns to look at James. The small boy who just killed the Great Albus Dumbledore. He can hear the whispers all round him as James just looks sadly upon the once great man. All is quiet until he hears Lily speak. 

“You can tell Tonks that’s the man who killed Albus Dumbledore.” James turns to look at her. It’s the first time he’s heard her call him a man instead of a boy. He can see the respect in her eyes and she walks up to him. She takes the wand from his hand and uses it to remove the ropes around his wrists. 

“Burn the body.” Lily mumbled, her eyes never leaving James’. 

“You don’t want this one coming back for ya.” He hears Lord Bone say. 

James simply continues to look down at what he had just down. He hears Lily reach his side before he looks up at her. She looks like she’s about to congratulate him when she sees the pain in his eyes. Lily’s face crunches up with confusion but the only thing she says is, “Come along James Potter.” Awe filled in her voice. She moved past him and begins to walk again. James simply follows her, leaving behind the life he thought he would always live, and begin on the path to a life that he would grow to love. Well, at least one aspect of it. 

Lily leads him over an edge of a cliff before stopping. He looks down to see thousands of little cabins. All lined up together stretching on for miles. James can feel his eyes growing wider the longer he looks. It seems Lily wasn’t lying about numbers after all. She turns to look at him, a grim determination set in her pretty petite face.

“Time to meet the Minister Beyond the Wall.” Lily watches James eyes rise up to meet hers, but she’s already off, headed towards the camp. James watches her go before turning around and looking at what he had done once more. He saw the fire eating away at the dead. The soldiers slowly breaking off to head down the hill towards home. James set off with them. 

Entering the camp everyone was quiet, it seemed no one wanted to make jokes about him anymore. As they entered the camp, James saw how alive it was. Children running about as mother shouted at them for dinner. Fathers chomping wood for the fires. The elderly seated and watching it all. It seemed so alive, so human. 

What socked James the most was the giants. They were freely walking around the camp, towering over everyone by a good 10 feet. James came to a stand still, Lily stopped at his side. 

“First time you’ve seen a giant James Potter?” The R in his name rolling off her tongue into a cocky grin. James could do nothing more then feebly nod. “They don’t exactly fit the pureblood way of life either now do they? Well, don’t stare too long. They’re shy. And when they stop being shy, they get angry. And when they’re angry, I’ve seen them pound a man straight into the ground like a hammer on a nail.” Jame could tell she was trying to be serious. Trying to hide the smile threatening to edge out onto her face. She succeeded until the very last second when she looked away. James watched her go before turning back to look at the giant. He couldn’t tell if she was joking about that bit or not. So he quickly ran up to catch up with her, not willing to risk it.

The people started to see him now. He looked so different with him in robes and them in muggle clothing. The word Phoenix fell from the crowds mouths like dominos. Lily seemed smug at all the names that were being thrown his way. She even seemed pleased when young boys started to throw rotten apples at him. 

“You’re wearing the wrong color.” He looked down at the DA’s black robes and the her brightly colored muggle items. 

“Tonks was a pureblood. She wore robes.” More fruit pelted him as they walked along. No one, least of all Lily, doing anything to stop it. 

“In your hearts, all you Phoenix's want to fly free.” 

“When I’m free, will I be free to go?” 

“Sure you will!” She says as she starts to play fight with the children throwing apples at him. She picks them up and play throws them down. Each one giggling at her. She stops playing once the last one is thrown down before turning to him. “And I’ll be free to kill you.” Lily turned around before heading off. 

James felt his face move into one of disgust. Would she really kill him? 

“Got no respect, this lot.” Lily said, in reference to the fruit throwers. “Got no Father’s to slap em when they’re foul.” The children were running through the party now. Weaving in and out, dodging playful punches. 

“What happened to their fathers?” James found himself asking. 

Lily simple turned around and stared at him for a while. When it was clear he couldn’t read her expression, she continued. “Some of them were killed by Phoenix’s like you.” Lily turned back to see James’ face full of regret. “Don’t look so grim, James Potter. If Andromeda Tonks likes you, you’ll live another day.” 

They reached a larger cabin set in the middle of the village and James knew he was about to meet his fate. They stopped outside the door and Lily looked at him. “And if Tonks doesn’t…” Her faces seemingly default shit eating grin graced her face as she pushed open the door. There was a large number of men sitting around the fire. But only one was eating. This had to be the Tonks that was in charge of everything. 

“I see we have a Phoenix,” the voice said. 

“We killed his friends. Thought you’d want to question this one.” The Lord of Bones said. The man at the fire did not turn around. He just countied to eat his roasted rabbit. 

“What do we want with a baby Phoenix?” 

“This baby killed Albus Dumbledore.” Lily piped up. “He wants to be one of us.” James had to fight from spinning around to stare at Lily. He had never told her this. All he said was maybe he didn’t have to follow rules for the rest of his life. What was she trying to do. The man threw down his food and stood up. He made his way over to James. 

“That half brained wizard killed friends of mine. Friends twice your size.” This Tonks seemed suspicious. James couldn’t have that. 

“My father told me big men fall just as quick as little ones, if you shoot a spell fast enough.”The man just shook his head. 

“Plenty of little men tried to shoot me down. With the killing curse even. And there’s plenty of little skeletons buried in the woods.” Everyone was silent at that. No one likes to speak of the dead, there were just too many of them. “What’s your name, boy?” 

“James Potter.” They both looked at each other for a long moment before James bent the knee to kneel in front of the man he believed to be the Tonks that lead the army. “Minister.” James was trying to be respectful when everyone in the room started to laugh at him. 

“Minister?” The man said as more laughter came from the group. “Did you hear that? From now on, you’d better kneel every time I fart.” Movement came from the chair by the fire. A older women came out in front of him. 

“Stand, boy.” She said. Jame simply looked up at her. “We don’t kneel for anyone beyond the Wall.” Jame stood up then, confusion clouding his face. “So, you’re Fleamont Potter's son? Thank you for the gift Lord of Bones. You can leave us.” Everyone started to file out of the room, Lily slowed briefly to smile at him before leaving. Now it was just James and this women face to face. “The girl likes you. You like her back, Potter? That why you want to join us?” James just continued to stare dumbly back at her. 

“Don’t panic, boy. This isn’t Dumbledore’s Army where we make you swear off girls.” The man was circling again. 

“This stupid idiot who you thought was Minister is Ted Tonks.” The man stopped to look at James. “My husband.” 

“Can’t believe this boy killed Albus Dumbledore.” Ted said, still circling James. 

“He was our enemy, and I’m glad he’s dead.” The real Andromeda Tonks held out her hand to James. He knew it was for the best of all purebloods when he reached out to shake back. Andi pulled James closer. “He was a friend once. Back when he hadn’t lost his mind.” James couldn’t help but pull his hand back at that. Andi didn’t seem to notice that though. “What were you doing with him?” 

“I was sent to Dumbledore for training. Seasoning they called it.” 

Why?” 

“He wants me to lead one day.” Andi laughed at that. 

“But here you are, a traitor. Kneeling before the Minister beyond the Wall.” James took a steaming breath before stepping up to Andi. 

“If I’m a traitor, then you are too.” Everyone stood and looked at James then. Andi Tonks simply held his gaze. 

“Why do you want to join us, James Potter?” Why must everyone this side of the wall say his name like that? 

James thought long and hard before he finally said, “I want to be free.” 

“No, I don’t think so. I think what you want most of all is to be a hero. I’ll ask you one last time. Why do you want to join us?” By this time everyone else in the room was standing, hands on their wands. James reached for his only to remember Lily had taken it before entering the cabin. 

“We stopped at The Hogshead on the way north. I saw…” James’ jaw tighten at the memory. 

“You saw what?” Andi pressed. 

“I saw men take their own sons, their baby boys and leave them in the woods. I saw what took it.” Andi’s eyes grew large at the words. Everyone seemed to stop breathing. 

“Your telling me you saw one of them? Death Eaters?” James held Tonks gaze before she continued. “And why would that make you desert your brothers?” 

“Because when I told Dumbledore, he already knew. Thousands of years ago, the First Wizards battled Grindelwald and his Minions and defeated them. I want to fight for the side that fights for the living. For the good.” James was shocked to find the words out of his mouth were all true. No lies or fibbs to help convince Tonks. Besides, what else could be more convincing than the truth? “Did I come to the right place?” Andi looked him up and down quickly before saying. 

“We’ll need to find you some new clothing.” Andi turned and walked away from him. James took that to mean he was in. And boy was James about to start a journey that would change his life forever, but he didn’t know that yet. Or maybe he did, he just wasn’t ready to face that that change had a name and a beautiful face.


	4. Chapter Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey Guys! My trip was great and I was so happy to get back to this! This chapter is a little short, but I liked where it ended and didn't want to push it. I am thinking maybe two more chapters, maybe four. We only have about ten episodes left in Game of Thrones and I want to give nice fat chapters each time. Next update will most likely be on Monday as I have Mondays and Wednesdays off from work. In the mean time, check out my other work Knickers and a Missing Cat. Always always comments are most welcome!

Lily had been alone for a very long time. She had lost her parents at the ripe old age of twelve. Her sister close after. Lily had to depend on herself. Ted looked after her a bit, made sure she had someone who knew her comings and goings but Lily was alone. She hunted her own food and built her own fires. She never owed anyone for anything until that damn James Potter came along. And it wasn’t some small thing like a hat or some firewood, it was her life. From that stupid moment onward James would be the center of her world. It began and ended with James Potter. And Lily hated herself for it.

Lily hated that this man would give her something she could never give back. She also hated how kind he was. How his eyes flashed quick as a whip when he was angry. How his hand would bury itself in his hair when he was frustrated. How he looked at her with such awe and wonder. She hated that she was starting to fall for the damn man. Because she knew. She knew it would never work out. She knew she’d fall fast and hard and he wouldn’t fall at all. She also knew he was a spy. How could she not? The great Albus Dumbledore would not be killed that easily, and yet he had. A man who stood so firmly to his vows would never give them up. He could never truly love her. But damn if she didn’t want him anyways.

Lily wanted to follow him back to the Wall and let him carry her over. To forget the war and the fighting and just exist. With Him. With James. She nor anyone else would ever convince James to leave Dumbledore’s Army, but maybe just maybe she could convince him to love her. And that would be enough. 

Lily sat and waited outside Andi’s tent for what seemed like hours. She knew telling Andi and Ted that James wanted to join them was a bit of a stretch but she didn’t care, she couldn’t care. Lily needed James. God what a stupid foolish girl she was. But she would wait forever outside of that tent if she had to. She would wait her whole life. She would do anything for James Potter, even die for him. 

James was changing in the little log house. Shedding his wizard robes for muggle. He couldn’t believe he was doing this. He couldn’t believe that he’d be living with them. As he slipped on his boots all he could think about was his mother. Would she worry about him? Worry if he died or worse abandoned his post? How would she feel about him returning? About him returning home with a girl? No James wouldn’t think that way. No matter how he felt about Lily, about the life he wanted to learn with her, he couldn’t. He made his vows, the words were spoken. And he couldn’t break a vow, not even to create another. 

He finished dressing and headed out to the camp. Andromeda right behind him as they crossed the camp, Lily and her little group followed closely behind. James stopped to watch the families come and go when Tonks came and stood behind him. 

“Was it hard for you to kill the Great Wizard?” James looked at her then quickly away. Killing Albus Dumbledore was one of the hardest things he had ever done. But was that something a traitor was allowed to feel? 

“Yes,” James finally admitted. James swallowed hard and continued to look at his feet. Some things couldn’t be faked. 

“You liked him?” James just nodded and started to walk off, believing the conversation to be over. Andromeda choose to follow. “I like you, but if you’re playing us false, it won’t be hard for me to kill you. I’ve got mudblood in my veins. These are my people.” 

“I understand.” Andi looked at him sideways. 

“Well, how could you understand?” Andi stopped walking. She still didn’t fully believe him. And she may never, but James knew. Janes knew damn well what it was like to love something that didn’t belong to you. Something you wanted in your life no matter the cost. 

“You want to protect your people.” James said. Protection is what drove everyone. The only difference is if people are protecting themselves, their loved ones or material things. 

“Do you know what it takes to unite everything that falls outside the purebloods? Half of whom don’t even have magic? Who resent the half that does, not that they can use it either. They speak several different languages in my army. The giants hate the muggle borns. The muggle borns hate the half bloods. Everyone hates the goblins. So, you know how I got all these people to march together in the same army?” Tonks stopped and waited for James to reply. But he didn’t know what to say. How could he say anything when his people were responsible? 

“No.” That’s all he could muster. A no. 

“I told them we were all going to die, if we don’t get south. Because that’s the truth.” Andromeda walked away then, leaving James to wonder just how many Death Eaters ran about, and worse. Who was commanding them?

By this time they had left the safety of camp and were wondering into the edge of the woods. James was unsure what he was doing here, but he would follow his orders. A large hunting party was following them out. But James and Andi broke off to meet up with a small party standing around looking off into the woods, as if they were waiting to see something, or someone. Ted and Lily were there, looking the most intently. When the two joined them, Ted spoke up. 

“Shouldn’t be long now.” No one said anything. It wasn’t until he heard the caw of an eagle did James start to worry. It was circling over the small group again and again. Finally the eagle landed and before James eyes, the eagle turned into a man. He collapsed onto the forest floor, violently shaking. 

“What’s wrong with him?” James asked. No one else around him seemed concerned about the eagle turned man. 

“He’s an animagus.” James’ head snapped to Andromeda’s eyes. Surly he heard her wrong. Now everyone was staring at him like he was the crazy one. At James’ confusion Andi continued on. “He can transform into an animal, and have all the powers that animal has. He’s scouting for us.” 

Lily turned and looked at James. “What, you’ve never met an animagus?” Unlike most of the questions she asked at first, James could sense actual confusion in her words. 

James just turned to stare down at the man. He hadn’t made a single sound. Finally Andromeda called to him. 

“Severus.” The man seemed to shiver as his spirit settled back into his human form. Severus slowly looked up and immediately locked eyes with James. They burned with hatred. Ted and Andi were helping the man up when Andi presses for information. “Where were you this time?” 

The man took several deep breaths. His eyes quickly glanced at Lily them back to Ted and Andi. He breathed once more before answering. 

“The Fist of the First Wizards.” 

“What did you see?” Ted pressed. James simply stood there, gazing down at this man. He hasn’t even been intruded yet and already the man hated the very existence of James. Severus looked over at James before letting out a slow dry chuckle. 

“Dead Phoenixs.” If this man was expecting James to give a reaction, he would be disappointed. James kept his face as neutral as possible as he held the dead eyes of this man. Lily quickly turned to check on James, but he wouldn’t look at her either. The little group stood still for a moment before Severus began to walk and rejoin the main party. Ted and Andi following soon after. Lily stood and looked at James. She walked over to him and gave his hand a small squeeze. No words needed to be passed, the squeeze was all that was needed. Silently the two turned and followed. 

The hunting party rearranged itself to head to the Fist. James’ stomach tossed and turned the whole four hour walk. No one spoke. Just silently marched themselves onward. Lily kept shooting glances at James, but he refused to look anywhere but the ground in front of him. 

When they finally reached the Fist everything was quiet. Too quiet. It wasn’t until James, Ted, Lily and Andi got to the base of the Fist did the company stop. 

Andi simply tisked her tongue. “Always the artists.” James’ month harden but besides that he kept his eyes on the “art”. 

All around them were broken brooms. Violently ripped and torn apart. The brooms were shaped into a skull, with what seemed like snakes weaving in and out of the mouth. The Death Eaters symbol, The Dark Mark. 

There were no bodies. No blood stains or spell marks, just the brooms. Laid out to taunt. 

“It’s only brooms.” James found himself saying. He meant it only as a reassurance to himself, but the rest of the company heard. “No men.” James said to clarify. None of his brothers. But that didn’t mean they were safe. Not by a long shot. No one was.

Lily was finally the one who stepped forward. She walked up to Severus and placed her hand on his shoulder. 

“You said there was dead Phoenix, Sev.” 

“There was.” Lily held his eyes before the meaning behind his words hit her, and everyone else in the party. Inferi. 

“How many men were here?” Andi asked. But they all knew what she really meant. How many new soldiers did He Who Must Not Be Named have? 

“About 300.” James choked out. In all the dangers he had thought about when joining the DA, a children's bedtime story had not been one of them, but here they were. 

“And you know what those men are now?” Ted pressed. James slowly looked up into the eyes of everyone there. He held Lily’s eyes a bit longer than anyone else before he met Ted’s. He just nodded once. 

“We’re all the same to them- meat for their army.” Andi’s eyes were cold as she gazed down on the brooms, almost as if she could see each owner. See each wizard when he was just a child. Many of them were still just that. 

“Do you think anyone got away?” James hasd to know if any brothers had survived. If anyone could. 

“It’s not impossible,” Andi started. But James stopped listening as he noticed the man Severus looking all around. His eyes dancing back and forth between the brooms, Lily, and the vast forest. “You don’t go far betting against Kingsley Shacklebolt. Dead or alive he took a big gamble coming north. And he lost. His best fighting men are dead. And whether he’s Lord Commander of Dumbledore’s Army, or a blue eyed corpse, he’s a long way from home.” Everyone from the DA seemed to be dead as soon as the crossed the wall, everyone but James. What James didn’t know is that his death would be in a different way. One not as quick. Not as kind. 

Andi turned around to meet the eyes of her husband. “Ted. Climb the Wall.” James’ head snapped to look at Andi. She could not be serious? Lily shifted her weight, like a child waiting for cake but not wanting her parent to yell about her frigetness. “Take Severus and twenty good men. And take this one.” James was surprised to look down and see Andromeda Tonks finger pointed at him. Meaning he would have to climb the Wall. Merlin. 

Ted had walked back to join the rest of the party now. Silently accepting Andi’s words. But she wasn’t finished just yet. 

“He knows Castle Black’s defenses better than any of us. And if he’s useful, good. If not… throw him off the Wall. See if Phones can fly.” Severus’ eyes seemed to grow large with glee at that idea. Lily took a single step forward, as if she was about to say something, but remembered her place. Just a soldier. 

“We’re finally going to war then love?” Ted seemed too excited at the promise of bloodshed. Maybe he hasn’t seen it yet, or maybe he had seen too much. 

“Hide near Castle Black. When I give the signal, hit them in the night.” James was trying to act uninterested, but this was huge. The castle could not withstand a siege. It couldn’t do much of anything these days, and that was before they lost 300 men. James was starting to respect the Mudbloods, but he had to save his people. No matter what. No matter the cost. He just didn’t realize the cost would be so damn high. 

“They’ve got a big old wall to hide behind, but it only guards one side.” A small smile took over Andi’s face as she finished. Ted pulled her into a hug then. James could see the love on their faces as they held close. A love that would outshine everything, even death. 

“I’ll see you again love.” Ted promised, with a small kiss to his wife’s cheek. 

“Aye. If you do your job.” She hid a playful smirk and she gave him a small peck back. 

Severus cleared his throat. James had forgotten the small man was still there. “How will we see your signal?” 

Andi kept moving. James thought she was going to ignore Severus’ question till she called back over her shoulder. 

“Transform into your eagle each night and fly above the Wall. When it’s time, I’m going to light the biggest fire the North has ever seen!” She seemed mad with glee as she stocked off. James wondered if she was mad. She would have to be to charge the Wall. But mad just may be enough. And that’s what scared James the most. 

James, Lily, Ted and Severus marched back to camp. Ted and Severus were talking, deciding who the other eighteen men would be. That left only James and Lily, and Lily has some questions. 

“I’m sorry, about your brothers. They may have just been Phoniexs, but they were still just boys. Boys playing in a war were we are all designed to lose.” James just kept walking. But Lily pushed on. 

“See no matter what side of the wall you’re on, Voldemort will kill us all.” James abruptly stopped walking, causing Lily to run into him. 

“Don’t say his name.” Lily simple scoffed and starting them walking again. 

“Oh? And why shouldn’t I say the great bastards name, hm?” 

“Names hold power. That one holds more power than most.” Now it was Lily who stopped, her little fairy laugh ringing through the forest. 

“Oh, so that word hold power? Your vows hold power?” 

“Yes?” James answered. He was confused, what was funny about blood and name magic? Lily’s face lost the little mirth it held. It turned hard, like she was about to yell at him. Make him sorry that he was ever born, then it softened. It softened like a mother’s face. Like a mother having to tell her child a beloved pet had died. It was the face of love, and it frightened James. 

“If words mean so much to you, how can you call us Mudbloods? Have you ever stopped and thought about what that means?” Lily’s eyes were so full of emotion James had to keep walking to ignore the sheer power in them. In her. 

“No, I haven’t.” 

“Mud blood. Blood so diluted and dirty it’s like mud. Gross disgusting mud. The very thing you wash off and regret every stepping in. Regret ever learning what mud truly was. I never asked to be born with magic, and I’m sure neither did you. None of us are,none of us asked it just happens. Right? Then I couldn’t have asked to be born the way I am? If I could I certainly wouldn’t have picked this side of the Wall. I mean we don’t even have real wands James. We have nothing.” Lily has stopped walking at this. Tears were brimming on the edge of her lashes and James had to stop himself from trying to wipe them away. 

“You don’t have wands?” James never knew that. He thought back to their first meeting. How no one had tried to fired a wand. How he had never seen anyone from this side of the Wall cast anything. Ever. 

Lily wiped the tears from her eyes with a dry laugh. “You know nothing, James Potter.” She pushed her way past him and ran to catch up with Ted and Severus. 

James was a fool. His friends had teased him about this since the day he was born. Never in his nineteen year had he ever thought in the mind of a mud- a muggleborn. Not once. He imagined his whole life over, if only he had been born to a family not 50 miles over. 

The absolute joy of discovering you had magic. That you are special. Then the absolute dread you’d feel after learning the magic people didn’t want you. They didn’t even want to knowledge your existence, and if they did it was to insult you. The muggles ready to burn anyone for having this magic. Fitting nowhere. Never really mastering your magic because you couldn’t even have access to a wand. 

A wand. His hand absently wondering down to finger his own. His face flushed red as he remembered how he had teased Lily about not knowing how to handle a wand. How she had looked like a baby. How hard those words must have been to swallow. How easily they had left his mouth, and how bitterly they must have tasted in Lily’s. 

“Are you coming then, Potter?” Lily called out to him. James hasn’t realized he had stopped walking and had fallen behind the rest of the group. His head snapped up and for the first time he truly saw her. Lily. Her smile lit up her face, the left side slightly higher than the right. How her hair was a wild mess of curls that was as free as their owners. How her eyes seemed to hold their own forest he could get lost in. Merlin, James was a goner. “Well, are you going to join us?” Lily called out again. 

James found it was not a lie when he called back. “Yes, I’ll join you.”


	5. Chapter Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry this took so long, by boss was in the hospital and I had to cover her shift for her. This chapter is one I couldn’t wait to write and it proved itself to be just as fun as I thought! Next chapter should be up on Friday. As always, reviews and kudos are always always welcome and greatly appreciated.

James felt at peace here with the muggle borns. The back of his mind told him not to. He could hear Dumbledore saying how he needed to stick to the mission. How he’s letting himself get distracted. But he didn’t care. Here it was so free. And he had Lily. Lily had nothing he had ever seen himself wanting in a girl, but that’s what he loved. She was unlike every girl he’d grown up with. She was wild and fierce but funny and soft. At times when he caught her looking at him, he felt like the whole world had melted away. But he couldn’t give into that world, much as he wanted. And as much as he didn’t care about getting distracted, his brothers lives were on the line. And James couldn’t forget that. The names seemed to play on repeat over and over every night. And it was for his brothers that he held on to his mission. 

James turned to look at the woman walking beside him. She was chatting with Ted about what the little ones were going to do with half the hunting party headed out. How long they could last if they all died. Lily was a fighter. She was a woman who wanted to be heard first. Wanted to be able to speak and have people listen to her. James vowed that he would always let her speak, and he would hear what she had to say. 

The little rag tag team made it into camp. Ted and Severus breaking off to go collect the other men leaving just James and Lily. They had been gathering firewood for the elderly and children for when the hunting party left. The two were setting down the wood when Severus pushed himself in front of James. He held James eyes for a time before Ted came up and spoke from behind. 

“Severus says there are Phoenix's patrolling on the Wall. Tell me what you know.”

Lily’s eyes darted to James to see if he would comply but James found himself already reciting the information like a child would for a school presentation. 

“There are four to a patrol, two builders to check for structural damage, two rangers to watch for enemies.” 

“How often do these patrols go out?” Severus pressed. Lily seemed anxious for James. He could hear her shifting the firewood back and forth. But this was not hard for James. If they need the patrols they try to stay away. No killing would be involved, at least not yet. 

“It varies.” Everyone’s eyes narrowed at James. They all thought he was digging to be able to report back to his brothers about where the breach would be, and James had to admit that wouldn’t be totally wrong. But he had to protect the people. The people on both sides. No one deserved to die fighting for the right to live. That just seemed cruel. “If I knew where on the Wall we were heading, I could tell you.” 

“You’d like to know that.” Shot back Severus. The two men were challenging each other. The only one in the party that seemed to trust James even a little was Lily, and she was the only one to have reasons to not. “There are 19 castles guarding the Wall. How many are manned?” 

James had to remind himself now that this was good. Telling them this means less people would die. Less blood on his hands. 

“Three.” The number sounded so small to James. There may only be around 300 men left in Dumbledore’s Army. A number that could be blown out so quickly. A small party was a party what could easily be taken down. Large numbers mean stay away, small numbers is a slaughter. 

“You sure of that?” James just nodded. “Which three?” Remember James, it’s okay. They’ll stay away. They’ll stay away. They’ll stay away. They’ll stay away. 

“Castle Black.” Lily was shooting dangers at Severus now. Like she was mad for James. 

“Aye, Castle Black. Everyone knows Castle Black. Which others?” James and Severus were staring at each other. If Severus thought James was lying would he hit the Castles anyways? Or should be speak true and hope they will stay away and all will be well. 

James didn’t blink as he listed the other two. Just held the eyes of the man who wanted him dead and gone more than anyone else. 

“Eastwatch-by-the-Sea and the Shadow Tower.” James felt grim. Even though he knew it was for the best he felt like he was sending his brothers to death. But he was only trying to save them. And they could always change towers. There was always that. 

And then Ted asked the question that James was dreading. The one he had to lie about. One they knew he would lie about. He would have to be quick with his answer, otherwise they think he was lying, even though he already was.

“How many men remain in Castle Black?”

“A thousand.” 

“Lier.” Severus said the word slowly, like he wanted James to taste every bitter letter. Lily’s eyes were jumping back and forth between the two. 

Everyone there knew James was lying. How could there numbers be so strong? But James had to protect them. James threw down the firewood he was holding and got nose to nose with Severus. 

“What happens to you if I kill you in bird form? Does your spirit drift away like a kite with his strings cut or do you just flop dead to the ground?” 

Lily pushed herself up against James back and with as much fire as James had used to whisper shout at the animagus. 

“He’s no Phoenix.” James turned to look at the sheer hatred on Lily’s face when Severus calmly answered back. 

“Just cause you want him inside you don’t make him one of us.”

Lily was quick to pull out her muggleborn made wand. She pushed her way past James and help the wand like a knife at Severus throat. 

“I’m not afraid of ya.” Lily said. The tone of voice held no malice but his words were like daggers in Lily’s skin. Severus looked her up and down once before batting away her wand like one would do with a fly. Lily started to yell a curse when Ted jumped up and pulled Severus back, tossing him on the ground. Ted then took the place of being nose to nose with James, but James held firm. 

“I like you, boy. But if you lie to me, I’ll pull your guts out through your throat.” The two men held eye contact for a long time. Lily’s eyes dancing between them. 

“1,000 men.” James repeated. He said the words slowly to make his point sure and firm. Severus got up and walked off. Ted turned to look at him before returning to James. 

“We’ll find out soon enough.” He gave James one last look before turning and walking away. James allowed himself one sharp breath out. Before he turned to see Lily still standing beside him. 

He turned in the other direction and started to march off, knowing Lily would follow. Sure enough she did. 

“I don’t need you to protect me.” James was weaving around campfires which allowed Lily to catch up to him. 

“Oh course you do.” James started walking faster to get away from her, but Lily was matching him step by step. Her words moving faster than their feet. “Who stopped Rattleshirt when he was about to cut your throat?” She gained a step on James and put her hand on James’ chest to stop him. “Who vouched for you with Tonks?” James shifted as he realized how much Lily had done for him. Her words seemed serious but James could see the start of playfulness behind her eyes. “It seems you owe me a debt.” She held eye contact with James as a smile spread across her face and her hand pulled his wand from his hip. 

James immediately started to chase after her. 

“Give it back.” She had slowed down though, so James walked beside her, hands itching to grab his wand from her hands. 

“It’s mine. If you want it, come steal it back.” She was smiling over her shoulder at him. James watches her for the slightest of movements, and when she turned to run James was quick to follow after her. 

“Lily!” He called but she just kept running. He called to her again. And she stopped to turn around and look at him. Her smile was the most pleased and full of laughter that he had ever seen. Lily quickly turned and ran into a cave. “Lily!” James calls called for a third time. The last time he followed her to a cave he had ended up a prisoner, but he was quickly losing her form to the dark shadow of the cave. “Bloody Hell.” He whispered to himself as he set off after the women. 

Lily heard him call after her for a fourth time but she had a plan and she was going to stick with it. She set his wand down on a rock and turned around to wait for James. 

She could hear him stop and take in the sight of the cave, for it was beautiful. A large heated hot spring sat in the center with a waterfall cascading down the rocks to meet the pool. Steam rising up and around them, hugging to their clothes. The rush of water would mask her words. 

“Is Severus right? Are you still a Phoenix?” Lily watched James, but he was too busy taking in the wonders of the cave. But Lily knew he’d be paying attention real quick. She’d make sure of that.

“It’s time you proved yourself.” Lily started to pull off her shoes and jacket. James’ eyes jumped to hers. 

“Lily,” James started. His tone was one of warning, but not a warning to her. It was a warning to himself. A reminder of his vows. 

“You swore some vows. I want you to break ‘em.” Lily held his eyes as she pulled off her sweatshirt, leaving her in a tank top and jeans. “I want you to see me.” By the time she had finished pulling off her tank top she was standing topless in front of James. His eyes were wide as he took her in. James’ feet seemed to be rooted to the ground as his eyes drank in her form. Silence sat between them as Lily pushed on. 

She unbuttoned her pants and pulled them down to her ankles. “All of me.” She said. His eyes followed her pants down before making the climb back to her face. 

Lily could see the longing, the little spark of love and lust mixed together. She knew that look well because she had it too. She had it every time she looked at James. She had all the confidence in the world as she made her way over to the man. His eyes trailing down her body, taking everything in. When James looked at her crotch he took one small step back, but the rest of his body stayed. 

Lily watched him wet his lips as he continued to look at her body. Lily searched his face, waiting for him to look up at her eyes again. She saw in them many things. She saw the life he wanted, the life with her. She saw a son, exactly as him but with her eyes. She saw a little cottage house, just for them. She saw herself, for the first time happy and loved as she was. She saw that he would give it all up, for her. And she would do the same for him. 

“We shouldn’t.” His mouth said. But everything else she could see in his body said they should. She searched his eyes again, seeing the same little future. The same wonder and love. 

“We should.” She whispered back. Lily slowly moved forward, giving him the chance to back away. To tell her he had vows, that he was only playing pretend. Lily parted her lips, moving to connect two people into one. She could feel his breath hot on her cheek. Just when her lips touched his, a small spark leapt between the two. It shocked James so much so that he jumped back. Lily pulled back too, letting him have a say, but his head just followed her forward, eyes locked in on her lips. His head move down a fraction of an inch and Lily pushed herself forward, fully kissing him now. 

Lily bit James’ bottom lip and used it to pull him closer to her. Urging him on. When their lips moved back to each other James began to move too. He wrapped his arms around her back and pulled her close. Their kissing became more frantic and hurried. Lily felt herself melt into him. Her arms hanging around his neck just to keep herself from sliding down his body. 

James began to take control, pushing his mouth roughly on to Lily’s. Seeking to touch her everywhere, to feel her soul in his bones. He wanted to touch every part of her. Learn her as he would learn a book or a map. Knowing every dip and line that made Lily, Lily. 

He began kissing her neck, his face settling perfectly between her collarbones. Lily settled her fingers in his wild black girls, silently begging him to stay close. But James didn’t need her to ask, he wasn’t going anywhere. 

Once he was satisfied with her neck he began a trail of kisses following the valley between her breasts. Each little kiss telling her how much he loved her. 

Lily found her head was thrown back and her breathing was deep and heavy. She could feel the fabric of if his clothes on her bare arse. His hair tickling her breasts. 

“Why are you still dressed?” She breathlessly whispered. But James ignored her, continuing his path of kisses down her body. God, this man might be a virgin but his mouth was glorious. Lily’s eyes were closed but she could feel him everywhere. Every nerve in her body was tuned to James. Every feather light touch and breath sent little bursts of heat to her fingers and toes. 

“You know nothing, James Poooo-“ her words were cut off by his mouth settling between her legs. That glorious mouth and tongue that had been taunting her for days. Lily felt herself rock forward of her toes. His mouth surprised her, but it was not unwelcome. Lily let out a low and deep moan. The sound of his mouth moving against her forever stamped into her mind. 

Afterwards they lay together, cuddled together for warmth. Lily propped herself up on her elbows and settled her chin in his shoulder. 

“That thing you did, with your mouth,” she emphasized her point by kissing down his shoulder to cradle her head between James’ shoulder and cheek. “Is that what Lord wizards do to their ladies to the south?” James moved to roll over, causing Lily to slightly shift back. James threw his arms around her, pulling her close so they now lay chest to chest. His fingers drawing small circles on her back. 

“I don’t know. I just wanted to kiss you there is all.” Lily, without knowing she was doing it began to trace the same circles on James’ chest. She hummed her agreement and bent her head to kiss him through her wide smile. She pulled back and flashed him another smile. He returned it, then followed it with a quick peck. “You seemed to like it.”

“Aye, I liked it some.” Lily bit her bottom lip as if she was trying to keep in the lie, or keep her smile from taking over her entire face. 

Lily moved her hands up to play with the small beard hairs that were starting to grow on his face. 

“Who taught you that?” James just stupidly smiled up at her, drinking in every bit of her. 

“There’s been no one else. Only you.” 

“A maid.” Lily laughed out. A small little loving laugh. She hid her face in his beard as she repeated again. “You were a maid.” 

“I was a man of Dumbledore’s Army.” Lily didn’t look at him then, just watched her fingers play in the light sweat on his chest. “How about you? Were you a maid?” 

Lily’s eyebrows pulled together on her face. “What do you think?”

“Who was he?” James fired back. A little less playfulness in his voice as there had been in the rest of the conversation. 

“Just a boy.” Both sets of fingers were twirling the others hair. Making their bodies be the ones to talk. “He came trading with his brothers. He had red hair like me. Kissed by fire. But… he was weak.” James stopped playing with the hair behind her ear then. Her voice had a sharpness to it that he had forgotten existed in her. But it grew soft again and she said, “Not like you.” Her finger tapped his chin once before she was off again. James just letting her talk, watching her with love sick eyes. “That was the first one. Then there was this half blood boy. Spoke no English, but gods, he was built like a mammoth!” She squealed with laughter as he rolled them over, nose touching nose. 

“Yeah, thanks. I think I’ve heard enough.” He let his hand rest on the side of her face. Simply holding on to her. “We’d best get back” he finally whispered to her. Her eyes were closed. James began to sit up. “Ted,” he started but Lily hooked her leg over his hips and rolled them over, so she was sitting on his lap, her hair falling as a curtain between them and the rest of the world. 

“I’m not done with you yet.” Lily bent her head down and kissed him sweet, trying to show her love to him in the only way she knew how. James pulled her closer to him, keeping his hands on each side of her neck. Leaving her little room to pull back. But when she did, James relaxed his fingers just a hair. Just enough where he’d be able to see her beautiful green eyes. “How long's it been since you had a bath?” Her tongue stuck out in a playful smirk before she had pulled herself off of James. She took a running start and leapt into the waiting hot springs pool. James was quick to follow after her. 

They splashed water at each other once, then twice before giving up and swimming towards each other. James pushed to rest his forehead on hers, staring into her eyes one last time before kissing her sweet and slow. But Lily stopped and pulled back to look at him. 

“Let’s not go back.” James looked at her questioningly but she only pushed her nose into his cheek again. Janes didn’t even notice that her fingers cupped around her face once more. “Let’s stay here a while longer.” She pushed her forehead to rest on James, refusing to look in his eyes and she continued on. “I don’t ever want to leave this cave, James Potter. Not ever.” 

Jane said nothing. He waited until she held his gaze, running his thumb across her cheek. When she finally looked up and him and pulled her close and kissed her. Letting his lips say what his mouth couldn’t. Letting his body tell her that he too wanted to live in this moment forever. Letting everything else just melt away. 

“You know, this makes you my husband now right?” Jame pulled back laughing. 

“What?” 

“You’re my husband. Muggle Borns have this tradition you see, where you chase a girl. And if the fellow catches her, she’s his.” James was full on belly laughing now. He cupped his hands around her face and pulled her back slightly, making her hold his gaze. 

“Lily, that is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard! What if you don’t like the guy who catches you?” 

Lily was quick to playfully shoot back, “You don’t let him catch you.” She was trying to hide her face in his neck again but James wouldn’t let her. 

“So you’re saying, you just let me catch you then hum? That you could have outrun me.” James felt a genuine smile play across his lips. 

“Course I can outrun you silly boy! I’m the fastest witch this side of the wall!” She went to pull away and move, as if to prove how fast she was, but James held her close refusing to let go. 

“Alright I believe you.” He kissed her quick, again and again. James moved to her neck, and was kissing her there when he heard her whisper. 

“I know you lied.” Jame pulled back to look at her, but Lily kept her gaze firmly on his shoulder. “I know you lied to Ted and Andi and Severus. You even lied to me.” James opened his mouth to say something but found he couldn’t. What could he say to that. But what Lily said next would have pulled all the words from his brain anyways. “And I don’t care.” 

James grabbed her face and made Lily look at him. “Lily what are you talking about?” 

Once her eyes met his her words quietly streamed out of her mouth, as if she had been wanting to say them for a good long while. “I know you are still loyal to Dumbledore. That you made some sort of agreement that you’d kill em to gain our trust. I know you lied about the armies numbers to keep them safe. I know you have every intention to run back to them. To turn us all over to protect the Wall. And I don’t care.” Lily was full on crying now. She made no move to stop the tears, or wipe them away. She just pushed all her emotions into her words. “I don’t care about any of it anymore James. I can’t. I love you. I will give everything up just to be with you. Fuck Andi. Fuck Ted. Fuck all of the muggleborns and half bloods and other creatures. Fuck it all. I just want you. Whatever that means. So lie. Steal and cheat your way till you run back to your brothers. All I ask is you don’t lie to me. Let me know when you are leaving and I’ll go with you. I promise. No matter what I’ll go with you.” 

James was quickly reminded of why he was here. What brought him to this cave. It had all melted away from the moment he touched Lily. She knew. She knew this whole time he was lying but vouched for him anyways. All she wanted was to go back with him. To cross the Wall and be together. 

“Promise me James. Promise me you’ll take me with you. That we will be together. No matter what.” James only pulled her close and kissed her hard. Because that was not a promise he could make. Not by a long shot.


	6. Chapter Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! Im SO sorry this took so long. It was literally the month from Hell. One of my coworkers slipped and fell and broke her elbow and had to get surgery. So I had to give up most free days to help cover. Then my grandfather passed and we had to deal with that and a memorial for a family friend. And to top it all off my chronic pain is back. But I am here and I will finish this story. It was my birthday yesterday which is the only reason I had time for this, but I hope you enjoy. And maybe as a birthday gift you could leave a comment?

Lily couldn’t have been happier. Well, she could be but this was pretty close. Lily had never imagined it would all work out. That James would have felt that same way, that he would have kissed her down there and made love to her with passion. Because he loved her, well, it was on the way to love. He didn’t just want a quick fuck. He wanted her. And God, did it feel good to be wanted. James had also promised to tell her when he was going to leave again. So she could follow. She was under no grand illusion that James Potter has given up His brothers. Oh no, Lily knew he’d go back. And he’d go back with her. Lily didn’t know what they’d do once they crossed the wall, but they’d do it together. And that’s all Lily wanted. To do everything together. 

But she wanted it confirmed again. Wanted to hear the words I promise come from his mouth like his name had come from hers. Like an easy whisper. Lily wanted the words when the promise of what laid between her legs wasn’t egging him on. At least not immediately.

After the cave, James convinced her to rejoin Ted’s army. They’d have to cross the Wall anyways James said. Why not do it with a party he said. It will be safer. And Lily had to agree, it would be. But she would have given anything to spend forever in that cave. Or at least a few more days. She didn’t understand the rush or the urge to rejoin the party, but they did. Lily had a feeling once they left the cave there would be no going back, something would happen that would change their lives. She just never realized how large it would be.

The journey to the wall after the cave was brief. Maybe a day and a half day walk. But James was nervous the whole walk. He had slept with Lily. An unforgivable break of the brotherhood. But James was really starting to fall for Lily. And he wanted to bring her over the Wall. James wanted Lily to meet his Mum and his mates. He wanted to watch her watch him for the rest of their days. To see how much love she’d give him. How much of her he’d see in their children. But this was not play time, it was war. And not just war between Muggleborns and Pure bloods. It was a war of life and death, and love had no place. 

So James continued on. He would spy on the Muggleborns and run and help his brothers at the soonest opportunity. And… and he’d leave Lily behind. He had to, to protect her. Or at least that’s what he told himself. 

The party arrived at the bottom of the Wall, and it was the first time James realized how big it was. He had stood on top of it and looked down. He patrolled those walls for months. But until you stand at the bottom, you never realize how far up the top is. 

The party had made a semi camp as they all suited up to climb the Wall. Ted Tonks was gearing up when he turned to speak to James and Lily. 

“Used to be you couldn’t find a tree within a mile of the Wall. Phoenix's would come out every morning with axes.” He smiled as he walked away from James, but Severus was not in such a jovial mood. He lent down to pick up his axe, and when he came back up, he met and held James’ eyes. 

“Your flock gets smaller every year.” The man murmured before he too walked away. James said nothing to either man, just stood there while Lily unpacked their bag. She only looked up as Severus walked away. Her eyes soon moved on to James, but James’ attention had already shifted back to what he was about to do. Lily didn’t even think he was paying attention to her until he spoke to her. 

“You ever climbed it before?” His eyes never left the Wall, just continuously scanning the ice. Lily found her eyes had jumped to the Wall as well when she answered back to him. 

“No. But Ted’s done it half a hundred times.” They both let the lie sit between them for a few moments, trying to let it instill some confidence in the near death mission they were all about to do. 

Lily shifted back on her knees, trying to make her kneeling position a bit more comfortable as she called out to him. 

“You’re afraid.” It was not a question, but it was also not an accusation. Just a fact, a fact Lily was starting to see better than anyone else. 

James finally broke his stare from the Wall to look at Lily before being drawn back to the Wall. 

“Aren’t you?” 

“Aye.” She was quick to fire back. Lily was one of the few people James knew who would admit such a thing. But Lily was still talking, and James vowed he would always listen so he made himself pull away from the ice wall to look at her as she spoke. 

“It’s a long way up and a long way down. But I’ve waited my whole life to see the world from up there.” Lily’s voice sounded soft and wishful, but her mouth held her little jaw jutting smile of hers, her eyes moved back to capture James’. A small smile taking over her face before she quickly started to dig around in her pack. 

“Here, sit down. I brought a pair for you.” James’ butt had barely touched a log before Lily had thrown a pair of ice grippers at him. 

“They’re too big for you, but they’re good.” 

“You kill someone for them?” James was proud of himself for not letting a smile slip through as he started to lace the grippers onto his shoes. Lily was smiling to herself and she tried to put on her own pair. 

“Nah. I didn’t kill him, but I bet his balls are still bruised.” Lily pursed her lips in a proud way, and James found himself chuckling at her words, words he knew to be very true. Lily even let out a breathy laugh or two before she continued on. 

“He wasn’t good to me the way you’re good to me.” She said the words softly, like she didn’t know if she should be saying them. Didn’t know what it meant. He could see her quickly switch to teasing as she called out, “He didn’t do that thing you do with your tongue.” She pushed her tongue out the corner of her mouth, giving James a very cheeky smile, but he missed it as he was quickly looking around to see who had heard it. 

“Can we not talk about that here?” 

“Can we not talk about that here?” She called back to him, mockingly. “I’m James Potter,” She pushed on. “I’ve killed dead men and Albus Dumbledore, but I’m scared of naked girls.” Her voice slipped back into her own towards the end. Her smile over taking her face. A look James didn’t think he’d ever get use too. But he was still quick in his comeback. 

“Did I seem scared the other day?” But Lily was even quicker. 

“You were trembling like a leaf.” 

“Only in the beginning.”

Lily chuckled before conceding. “Only in the beginning.” James tried to let just their eyes convey how much that night had meant to him, but Lily was a fan of words, and never stopped talking. 

“You’re a proper lover, James Potter. And don’t worry. Your secrets safe with me.”

James forget she had confessed to him that she knew, he forgot everything except the fact that he was a spy and needed to lie. So the words what secret left his mouth. 

She gave him a hard look before she spoke again. “Obviously you weren’t paying attention last time so let me repeat myself.” Her words held her special sharpness to them again, one he hadn’t heard directed at him since that first day. “Do you think I’m as dumb as all those girls in silk dresses you knew growing up? You’re loyal and you’re brave. I know you didn’t stop being a Phoenix the day you walked into Andromeda Tonks’ tent.” 

Lily quickly pushed herself off of the log until she was kneeling in front of James. “But I’m your woman now, James Potter. Your wife. You’re going to be loyal to your wife.” She ripped the ties of the ice grippers from James’ hand and made him hold her gaze. Made him see that this time, she would not cry. She would not beg and most of all, she would not take a simple kiss as an answer. “Dumbledore’s Army doesn’t care if you live or die. Andromeda Tonks doesn’t care if I live or die. Were just soldiers in their armies and there’s plenty more to carry on if we go down.” Lily let her words sink in for a moment before she moved to sit next to James, their knees knocking. 

“It’s you and me that matters to me and you.” James couldn’t look at Lily, because she was right. He hadn’t truly heard her words that night in the cave. But she was laying it out even clearer now. And it made his mission that much more clear. “Don’t ever betray me.” James squeezed his eyes shut at that. He had to take a moment to collect himself, because he had to lie. He had to betray her. His eyes turned to hers and he opened his mouth but he couldn’t quite get the words out. He tried again to gather his thoughts and push them out. He made himself hold her eyes steady and true as he whispered out. 

“I won’t.” Lily pushed her face forward, to the point where James thought she was going to kiss him, but her lips stopped just a hair's width away from his as she breathed out. 

“Cause I’ll cut your pretty cock right off and wear it around my neck.” James waited for her teasing smile to finish her statement but it never came. Ted moved over to them and Lily turned her back to James. He held out an ice pick for James to grab onto to pull himself up. 

“Sink your metal deep and make sure it holds before taking your next step. And if you fall, don’t scream. You don’t want that to be the last thing she remembers.” He laughed and patted James on the shoulder before moving on. 

Lily never pictured her life past eleven. There was no need to. Anything that happened would happen and there was nothing she could do about it, that much had been made clear. Many things had surprised her. Climbing the Wall with her husband who was an ex Phoenix was definitely not one of them. They climbed in sets of four. Ted, Severus herself and James was one party. They had been climbing silently for hours now, and were maybe a fourth of the way up the Wall. Lily was fit, but she was not prepared for the climb, and was already finding her arms to ache and her breath to come out in puffs. 

She stopped and turned around to see James starting up at her, terror in his eyes. To try and help take both of their minds of what they were doing she called down to him. “You staring at my ass, James Potter?” The only answer she got was a small smile. 

But in that moment, everything was all over. Ted called out to the party, but it was too late for James. A rogue piece of ice hit him in the head, causing him to fall backwards into the black. Lily could see nothing, but she felt the rope around her waist pull tight. 

“You all right?” She bellowed down to him. He didn’t not answer, but she heard the sound of his ice pick below her. 

“Just seeing if you can take a hit, lad.” Tonks yelled down to them both. Neither said anything, and Lily did not move tell she felt the rope around her waist gain some slack.

They party moved on with few to no issues for the next two hours. Lily could see the top now, and she was eager to look down on the world. For the first time in her life she’d be the one looking down. In fact, Lily was so excited she did not take care in her next axe strike. A sickening crush ripped apart the winds howls. Lily watched in horror as a crack raced along the wall, starting from her axe. Everyone stopped and watched the crack but it was too late. The party next them had their ice break out from underneath, plunging eight bodies to the floor below. 

Screams were silenced by the crumble of the ice as mounds fell from the wall. 

“NO!” Severus yelled as he stuck his axe into the ice for a better hold. Ted turned to look at what happened but he was too late. He turned just in time to hear Lily shriek as ice slammed into her chest. Ted grabbed the rope to catch the two love birds as they fell. The rope caught them both at what seemed like the last second. Lily trapped staring up at what she could never have, while James was stuck looking below, at the life he turned down. 

Ted’s cries of agony alerted everyone to the trouble they were in. He couldn’t hold them up forever. 

“We’ve gotta cut them loose!” Severus screamed. 

“No!” Bellowed Ted, but he was in no position to help. Lily watched as Sev pulled a knife and began to saw through the rope.

James could not see Severus, but he saw the panic in Lily’s eyes and that was enough. James began to swing his legs, trying to move them like a pendulum. Maybe just maybe, he’d be able to stick his axe back into the ice and they be okay. Lily tried to help him but she was stuck in the middle, in the race between two blades. And who’s strike would hold first. 

Severus was sawing faster, but James’ axe was kissing the ice. No one made a sound as they raced. Lily watched the rope snap and her heart sank as she dropped again. She let out one scream before committing herself to the fall. But then she let the rope pull tight and she stopped. Lily’s head shot up and she saw James. Glorious James who had indeed gotten a new grip and was holding onto her rope to keep her from falling. Lily screamed in pain as she swung herself over one last time to bury her axe in the wall again. 

Lily could feel the tears freezing onto her face but she made herself climb up to James. “Take my hand!” He called down to her when she was finally close enough. It took every ounce of strength Lily had left to reach up and grasp his hand. But Lily didn’t need anymore strength in that moment. James pulled her up to him, pulled her right to his chest. Lily wrapped her arms around his shoulders and allowed herself a few good sobs. Her breath coming ragged and fierce. James was quiet as he held her. His eyes moving up to see Severus looking down at them, shocked to see them alive. James silently challenged him and Jamws led down to plant kisses on Lily’s head. 

James pulled pack to check on Lily, her breathing never having calmed down. Their noses touched for the briefest of seconds before Lily turned and began to climb again. She was the only woman on this trip and she was not going to be seen as such. James only helped her gain her footing as they began the climb over again. 

Lily was not sure where she found the strength to finish that climb. And she never would all she knows is that she's alive, and she just has to pull herself to the top of the wall and she is done. She survived the climb. It’s the longest thirty second of her life until she’s lying on her back starting up at the open sky. Chest burning with each intake. But James quickly settles beside her. His arm pushed up against hers, reaffirming that he’s there. She’s there. On top of the Wall, alive. She doesn’t even notice Severus staring at them. 

Lily watches Severus’ eagle fly over head as the sun broke through the clouds. And she makes herself sit up. She’s waited her whole life to see this dammit, and she is not going to waste a second. 

When she takes in the world, that is when her breath stops. And suddenly she understood. She would kill for this view, protect and fight to be able to see this every day of her life. And she isn’t entirely sure she hasn’t died and gone to heaven, because this is pretty damn close. 

James stands up fully before he reaches down and offers Lily a hand up. She laughs out loud as James grabs her hand and drags her over to look out into the pure blood side. Where the snow doesn’t settle, and green can be seen as far as the eye can see. It’s the first time she understands why people could ever call her eyes forest green. 

Lily turns to share in the beauty with James, but he’s not looking out over the wall. He never was. He was only looking at Lily, drinking in her every atom and breath. No words have to be spoken as he leans in and kisses her atop the world. And suddenly Lily doesn’t care about the view either.

She kisses him hard, trying to push every moment they could ever have into that one kiss, because it was almost taken forever. She pulls back and buries her nose into his chest to hide her face. 

“I was so scared James.” She whispers. She doesn’t look at him. She keeps her cheek flat on his chest and her head tucked under his. She is weak in this moment, and that’s okay. But she doesn’t want to see her weakness in James eyes, so she keeps her face hidden.

“I know Lils. I know. Me too. Me too. But I promise, I’m never gonna let anything happen to you. I will protect you.” He pulls her closer to him, letting them both try and believe the words that he will never be able to keep.


	7. Chapter Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back! I'm so sorry this took so long. My health has been awful and I've been bouncing back and forth between doctors. But I’m back! We have two chapters after this, and an epilogue. So close to the end! I have a poll on my profile on fanfic.net about what I am thinking of writing next. Please vote so I can get an idea about what you guys want. Well go on ahead, and remember comments are always apperatied.

James couldn’t believe they had done it. They had actually done it. They had climbed the Wall. And only a small handful had actually died from it, James and Lily excluded. But his luck had to run out at some point. And James believed that point to be soon. He would just never imagine how soon soon would be. 

James hugged Lily a little tighter before Ted yelled at them to get a move on. The climb down the Wall is a lot easier than the climb up. The old lifts and trails left from his brothers were still there. The party for the most part chatted on the way down. Only three people were silent. James, Lily and Severus. 

Lily had quickly dried her eyes after her confession to James. It was a huge step for her to be emotional in front of him, but she wasn’t quite ready for the rest of the men to see her cry just yet. But Lily showed her feelings in other ways. James knew how shaken she was by how tight she was holding onto his hand. She had not let go from the moment they reached the top of the Wall. 

James was quite because he was coming to terms with what he had done. He had lied. Well he had been lying since he joined the Muggleborns, but this lie felt different. This lie was the only one James wanted to be true. James wanted to take Lily with him. He wanted to go to bed and wake up with her for the rest of his days. But he couldn’t. No matter where the line was drawn, he was a Pureblood soldier of Dumbledore’s army and Lily was a Muggleborn freedom fighter. Nothing could ever happen. And James has to lie to Lily. She loved him more than anyone in his life ever had, and he had lied. James lied and he would have to kept lying until the horrible moment when he had to leave her. 

Severus was quite because he did not trust James. Something seemed off about the man. Severus believed he didn’t have the purest intentions with Lily. The same Lily Severus has been friends with since they were children. The Lily that had turned into a fierce women and a fierce fighter. The women Severus was in love with. Who he would keep loving until his dying days. And he would watch James. Watch him for proof of his actions. And then, Lily would be his. 

The group had reached the bottom of the Wall and were walking on the great grass fields. Lily had never seen something so green and wonderful. She wanted to see where James grew up. To actually see all the things he had described to her late at night, snuggled under their blanket. Lily wanted to see the great buildings that James talked about. To see the world where she’d soon be living in. 

“How far are we?” Lily asked. Breaking the near four hour silence that had settled around them. If James was surprised by Lily speaking he didn’t show it. 

“About a week, I think.” Lily turned to look at James with shock across her face. 

“You think? You don’t know?”

“When we went to Castle Black, we took the kings road.” Lily scoffed loudly. 

“You and your roads.” The rest of the party was starting to settle for a light rest. Lily threw her bag on the ground and planted herself on a rock. “Is that how you lot do your fighting? You march down the road banging drums and waving banners?” 

James lightly laughed to himself and he sat down opposite of Lily. “Most of the time, yes.” Lily’s eyes drew together in confusion. She stopped looking through her bag to look back at James. 

“How do the men holding the banners fight?” 

“They don’t, really.” Lily simply shook her head once before James continued on. “It’s a great honor to carry your house sigil.” 

Lily was shaking out her boot to an imaginary drum line as she fired back, “And the drummers- is that a great honor, too?”

James was too focused on trying to not look Lily in the eyes, so he missed the laughter in them. 

“Usually it’s the young boys banging the drums.” 

“What good are they?”

“They help the men march. If your captain is smart he’ll put up a anti- apparition spell around his camp. So we have to march.” Lily seemed to understand but she kept asking questions to fill in as many blanks as possible. 

“How?” 

“Well, it’s- it’s the rhythm.” James subconsciously began to drum a beat on his leg to show Lily, but she was already up, faking marching around James. 

“Oh, you mean right foot, left foot,right foot, left foot, right foot?” She suddenly spun around and wrapped her arms around James from behind. “You need help remembering that?” James didn’t respond, so Lily slowly pulled her arms off James and moved back to her rock. “When Andromeda gives the signal and we hit Castle Black, we won’t be banging on drums to let them know we’re coming.” 

“No.” James said. It sounded like he would add more, but he’s simply looked out across the land. He stood up and walked over to Lily. “No, you’re just gonna light the biggest fire the North has ever seen to let them know you’re coming.” 

James had forgotten himself, what side he was on and who he was speaking to. Lily was holding back some spite as she responded. 

“You know nothing, James Potter.” She quickly turned around and walked away from James. He was about to follow her to apologize when he heard a voice from behind him. 

“She’s right, you don’t.” James didn’t even have to turn around to know who had spoken. Severus walked up to stand shoulder to shoulder to James. James took a few steps away to swing around and get right into the other mans face. 

“I know you cut me loose on the Wall.” 

“Cut her loose, too.” Severus said, almost if that excused his actions. “Do you see her sulking about it?” Severus shook his head and kept speaking, not giving James a moment to respond. “That’s because she understands the way things are.” 

James let no emotion show as he spoke back. “And are you gonna share it with me? The deep wisdom you found inside the head of a bird?” Severus held firm and matched James neutral manner. 

“People work together when it suits them. They’re loyal when it suits them. They love each other when it suits them. And they kill each other when it suits them. She knows that, you don’t. Which is why you’ll never hold onto her.” Neither man said anything more as Severus walked away. A smile on his face before he even left James view. 

He quickly realized the rest of the party had moved on as he had a pissing contest with Severus. He quickly rushed ahead to join them once more. He moved to walk beside Lily, reaching out to grab her hand, but Lily quickly ripped free, folding her arms across her chest and walking quickly away from him. James tried to talk to her for the rest of the days walk into the night, but Lily simplified moved away from him whenever he got near. It was a cold and lonely night outside the tent for James. 

In the morning he expected her to come back to him. Neither would apologize, that wasn’t in their nature. They fought often, but rarely stayed mad about things for long. Lily spoke to no one, her hard eyes focused out on the land. Aimlessly walking along with the group. James settled a few feet back, keeping his distance but still able to see her, and unfortunately hear whatever story Ted was telling. 

“Most men fuck like dogs,” He turned and pulled James to him, like this was so called advice was solely for his ears. “No grace, no skill. A few dozen thrusts and done.” James tried to keep his face neutral, but this very well could be good information. And James was still inexperienced with bodies and wanted to learn. He had always been told he was a quick learner. James was so focused on Lily he missed Ted turn the conversation to a more serious tone. “You need to be patient. Give her time.” James pulled eyes eyes away, quickly looking into Ted’s before returning to look at Lily. “Your cock shouldn’t go near her till she’s slick as a baby seal. And then you go inside, but slowly. Don’t jam it in like you’re spearing a pig.” Ted laughed and yelled at the others to continue on. 

James slowly stood, testing to see if Lily would want him. She never looked up from her pack, but sharply shook her head once before standing up and walking around James. Severus following close behind her. 

Lily knew she wasn’t being fair. James and her fought often, and it often led to great sex, but this time was different. After everything he’d seen, after everything she told him, he still couldn’t see past his upbringing. James couldn’t see how much this war meant to her people. What being able to be apart of the wizarding world would mean. The lives it could save. And he would never understand that. That was a bridge he could never cross. But it seemed like James didn’t even see the bridge. Just a small stream that could easily be crossed. He didn’t see the monsters beneath. Lily was so deep in thought, she nearly missed the first words from Severus. 

“You think he loves you, is that it? What did he tell you? He’s gonna make you his lady and live with you in some castle?” Lily was soft in her reply. She didn’t need another fight. 

“No; he didn’t tell me anything. He barely talks.” Lily sounded dead. The words flopping out of her mouth with no regards or feelings. A haunting sound, but Severus wasn’t paying attention to Lily, not really. He was thinking of how well he would talk and listen to Lily instead of that oaf.

“I’ve seen you two whispering in the night, giggling like a pair of girls.” Lily was beyond tired of fighting. She was tired of her life and the circumstances that lead to this point. And she wasn’t stupid. Lily had known of her friends affections for her, but it had never been addressed. But Lily was too tired to play pretend any longer. 

“What, you’re jealous?” 

Severus was quick with his reply. “Of course I’m jealous. You should be with one of your own.” Lily quickly cut him off

“And you’re one of my own Sev? Since when has your mom been a Squib? Did I just imagine her with a wand these past years hmm? I’ve never heard a romantic word from your mouth.” Lily didn’t mean to be cruel, she was just speaking. And really, telling a man he had no claim to you was not cruel. But Severus didn’t see it that way. His hand sunk into Lily’s shoulder and forced her to turn towards him. His hand was already slowly turning into a talon, cutting roughly into Lily’s skin. 

“You would if you were mine.” Lily did not react to the pain, but his words. Her eyes grew wide and she held his gaze. If he were anyone else, Lily would look for a joke behind his eyes, but there was nothing. Severus’ eyes held nothing. They were cold and wet and dead. Lily wasn’t sure if he even believed he loved her. He just believed he had claim to her first. 

The words that came from Severus’ mouth seemed odd. Like he had read the words and simply said them now, not valuing a single word, not hearing what they meant. 

“I’d tell you that you’re beautiful and fierce and wild. I’d be good to you.” Lily’s chin wobbled as she looked down, trying to think in the best way to tell him she didn’t believe him. That she didn’t even believe he believed the words. But Severus misread the hesitation. “You love him?” The sentence started out as a question, but before the first word had fully left his mouth, Severus knew it was a fact. 

Lily slowly pulled her eyes up to look into his cold dead ones and nodded once. 

“Cause he’s pretty? Is that it? You like his pretty hair and his pretty eyes?” Lily didn’t say anything, simply standing there. “You think pretty is going to make you happy?” His talon like hands gripped the sides of her face as he yanked Lily’s face towards his. Severus was quick but Lily was quicker. She ripped her head from his grasp, leaving small claw marks across her cheeks.

“Don’t touch me.” Lily meant to walk away, but she wanted to make her point firm. It was never okay to be touched by someone who didn’t not have your permission. But Severus used that split second to press onwards. 

“You won’t love him so much when you find out what he really is.” 

And for the first time in two days, Lily was left alone. But she had more on her mind now then she ever did before. She knew who James was, didn’t she? 

James saw Severus follow after Lily. He saw them get stopped at the back of the group. Lily’s eyes seemed dead, but what scared James the most was the fact that Severus’ eyes were hollow. James turned to go after them when he felt a hand on his shoulder. 

“Patience, Lad.” Ted gave him a single nod before moving on. But he was right. Lily would come to him when she was ready to talk. And he would wait till the ends of the earth. 

Five minutes later, the end of the earth seemed a lot farther then James could handle. But his agony ended as he felt a small hand slip into his. He forced himself to keep walking and not acknowledge Lily. It was a few moments before she spoke. 

“I’m sorry I get so angry. This is something I’ve fought strongly for for a long time. I’ve spent almost my whole life fighting. To hear it be spoken any less then how I feel hurts. And I won’t apologize for how I feel. Because you need to understand that James.” She squeezed his hand daring him to look into her eyes. “You need to try and get it. And know you never will. But you need to see that. You need to see that it’s a struggle you’ll never get, but a struggle nonetheless.” Lily gave James a soft timid smile. He nodded and pulled her closer. Lily didn’t like sharing feelings, and him reacting in any way would be too much for her. Just letting Lily know he heard her was enough. It was all she wanted. 

“Come on now, the party will be stopping soon, and we need dinner.” Her eyes started to get a bit more life in them. Lily pulled James deeper into the woods. 

It wasn’t long before they spotted their prey. Lily hid them behind a boulder to watch the beautiful doe. Lily started to notch her bow when James batted her bow down. 

“You’re gonna scare it off.” 

“I’m not gonna scare it. I’m gonna kill it.” 

Jame shook his head. “It’s too far away.” Lily blinked slowly before turning and looking at James. Before returning her gaze to her prizes she silently resumed her position, and let the arrow fly. 

James did have to admit, walking into camp with a fresh kill felt pretty good. It didn’t even matter the kill wasn’t his. For the first time, a lot of men looked at him with something more than hate or general nothingness. James was so focused on carry the damn deer up the hill that he didn’t notice Lily stop. 

Her voice held a small child like glee as she called out. “Is that a palace?”

At first James was confused, surely they had not traveled far enough to be near any real homes. He turned his gaze outward before looking back at Lily. James spoke slowly, as if speaking to a child. 

“It’s a windmill.” 

“Windmill.” Lily savored every letter, each one more special than the last. “Who built it? Some king?” 

James tried to keep the condescending tone out of his voice. He would just explain. “Just the men who used to live here.” 

“They must have been great builders, stacking stones so high.” James couldn’t stop his mouth before it was opening and forming words. 

“Godric Hollow has towers three times that size.” 

“I’m James Potter and I’m from Godric Hollow. My daddy was a fancy lord and I lived in a tower that touched the clouds.” James tried to keep the smile off his face as Lily mocked him. 

“If you’re impressed by a windmill, you’d be swooning if you saw the Great Hall at Godric Hollow.” He fired back. 

Lily was getting better at asking him questions. So asking him what swooning meant was much easier than she expected. Lily wanted to learn. It would be her life soon. 

“Fainting.” Was his reply.

James was not surprised when she then proceeded to ask what fainting was. But James did find it was a hard thing to explain. He finally settled on, “When a girl sees blood and collapses.” 

“Why would a girl see blood and collapse?”

“Well…” James let a smile move across his face as he whispered back, “Not all girls are like you.”

Lily only acknowledge his sweet words by giving a small huff and smile. “Well, girls see more blood than boys. Or do you like girls who swoon, James Potter?” 

Lily bit her lip and smiled as a wicked idea came to her. She gasped as dainty as she could before yelling out. “A spider! Save me, James Potter.” Lily turned around and fell back into his arms. Gazing up and him lovingly. But James was taking none of her shit, his lips pursed in fake hurt as he ignored the woman in his arms. “My dress is made of the purest silk from Tralalalaleeday.” Her head was thrown back in laughter. Looking up into eyes so filled with love. James was in love. And nothing could change that for Lily in that moment. You can’t act the joy like that. Or the slight pain. 

James leaned down and pressed his nose in the side of her face. “I’d like to see you in a silk dress.” Lily immediately pulled herself out of James’ arms. James though he was in trouble before she turned around and saw the heat in her eyes and her smile. 

“Would ya?” Lily fires back. Eyes looking down at her hands before looking back at him. James reached out and grabbed a fistful of Lily’s coat before yanking her up to him. Jame leaned in as if he was going to kiss her, stopping a hair's breath away to whisper. 

“So I could tear it off you.” 

“Well, you rip my pretty silk dress, I’ll blacken your eye.” Lily quickly closed the distance and gave him a small peck before walking away. 

James was screwed. He smiled to himself before following after her. 

“Maybe one day I’ll take you to Godric Hollow.” Lily stooped and sauntered back to James. 

“Or maybe one day I’ll take you there. After we’ve taken our land back.” Lily smiled at him but James couldn’t return the look. 

“Ygritte. You won’t win.” He whispered to her. “I know your people are brave, no one denies that.” 

She rolled her eyes before starting to say her usually phrase. Before she got to his name, he cut her off. 

“Six times in the last thousand years, a Minister beyond the Wall has attached the kingdoms. Six times they failed.” 

“And how do you know that?” Lily whispered back. 

“Every boy in the North knows it. We grow up learning it. Where the battles were fought, the names of the hero’s who died where. Six times you’ve invaded and six times you’ve failed. The seventh will be the same.” Lily held no malice as she called back. 

“Tonks is different.” 

“You don’t have the discipline. You don’t have the training. Your army is no army. You don’t know how to fight together.” Lily held it in for too long. She started to scream back at him. 

“You don’t know that.” Jame held strong and simply whispered back to her. 

“I do. I know it.” James was starting to get frantic. Lily would die. She would die fighting in a war she had no chance of winning. She would die. And be gone forever. And James couldn’t have it. He might not be able to have her, but having her alive would be enough. That would be enough. “If you attack the Wall, you’ll die. All of you.” The words hung heavy between them. But Lily’s look of betray is what stung the hardest. She slowly moved forward. 

“All of us.” She corrected. But they both knew he hadn’t misspoken. Lily searched his eyes. She suddenly grabbed James and through him against a boulder, kissing him fiercely. She would show him her love. Make her see his own love back for her. He had to love her. He had too. 

Lily pulled back, breathing heavily. She made James look at her before whispering to him. 

“You’re mine as I’m yours. And if we die, we die. But first we’ll live.” 

“Yes, first we’ll live.” James promised back. And she would live, James would insure it.


End file.
